


Babel Lizard

by Aidaran, StarTravel



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Julian is arab, Language Barrier, M/M, Martok is the best cook ever, no translator, poor Worf can't speak klingon, stranded in an M class planet... again, these damn people can't even speak Federation Standard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-11 06:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aidaran/pseuds/Aidaran, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: The moment the translator stops working, everybody discovers they don't even know how to speak Standard. That doesn't stop Garak and Bashir from flirting, Jadzia from playing matchmaker, Martok from being Martok, Worf from moping, and Sisko from trying to stay as far as possible from all those situations.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, new fic! this was sitting in our drive for quite a long time, but after so much angst we needed to do a fluffy one.
> 
> Hey everyone! So we’ve slightly edited the first two chapters of this fic after talking to make sure that the fic is not unintentionally expressing any problematic elements. 
> 
> The basic change is that Julian does indeed speak English, although we’ve decided that American and British English have diverged somewhat over the past 300 years, in part due to fallout between their countries after the Eugenics war and the Bell Riots, so he and Sisko still have some communication difficulties

It was a stupid accident, really. Just a bit of space debris that shouldn’t have been there.

And then it was stupid enough to hit the runabout just in the right place to disable most systems _and_ the universal translator.

So here they are, stranded in an M class planet who knows where, each trying to communicate in a Babel of sorts.

How is this possible? A standardized language for the whole of the Federation, and not one of them able to speak it?

The one who's more surprised is Julian. Even in a planet with worldwide translators, he always assumed his enhanced brain had been picking up languages. Oh, how wrong he was.

So now he is expressing his frustration in a mixture of Arabic and English to a captain that stares at him blankly.

“English, at least, doctor? Anything? Come on, you lived in England, for prophets sake!”

“Captain, Of course I can speak English. Anyone else? Garak? Jadzia? Worf, Martok? Can anybody understand me?” He is starting to get agitated, and resorts to the old trick of talking louder instead of slower. As if it had worked for the whole of mankind ever in its history.

“Doctor, calm down.” Sisko speaks in standard in a really slow fashion, because American English and British English have diverged enough over the last 300 years that he’s not sure both of them speaking English will be enough to fix the runabout. But then he realizes he doesn’t really know a lot of Standard either.

Turns out the Standard was designed to make all the original members happy so it sounds like Andorian and high Vulcan as well. Some of the sounds are not even what a normal human could pronounce. And they never even realized it because they thought it sounded like their mother tongue. Oh, how mistaken they were. Has nobody in Starfleet Academy ever predicted a situation like this? A semester learning the language wouldn’t hurt anybody.

Julian frowns a bit because, wait a second - Sisko’s accent is bizarre and some of the words are not pronounced at all the way Julian does. He searches in his brain for the little Standard he knows so he can answer to him.

“Captain, I don’t think your Standard is _many_ good.”

"Nor is yours, doctor."

“Are you sure, Captain? I should be good.”

Julian is actually the worst of them, because the sounds are so different to the ones of his own language. He is a mess. He’s honestly shocked his isn’t perfect. So much for his enhanced brain.

"Yes, doctor." Jadzia snorts at that lack of communication but shuts it fast when Sisko looks at her. “Do better then, Jadzia.”

“Sorry, Ben.”

Garak is muttering under his breath because he can't believe they can't communicate with each other. He wishes Kira was there. He knows Bajoran, she knows Kardassi. Too bad he never took the time to learn Standard. Now he feels he is the only one who can’t even say a word. At least they won’t hold it against him if he swears.

Worf is confused. Jadzia and Martok are talking loudly and he can’t understand a word.

“Jadzia, what language is that?”

“Klingon. You don't...?” she takes her hands to her mouth before offending him further.

And that's the moment Worf realizes something: he doesn't know Klingon. Not one word, save for peta'Q, which he is too proper to say in public. He feels like an idiot.

Jadzia looks at him and doesn't know how to break it to him that he's mostly speaking in Russian. It'll break his heart. She decides to be blunt finally. He will find out sooner or later.

“Worf, you are speaking Russian!”

“Do you speak it as well?”

“Quite a bit. Emony learned a passing amount of Russian on Earth. She was there several years.”

He feels like a child having her speak to him in that language. He can't believe himself. He disgraced a thousand generations of Klingons. He is minutes away from throwing himself to the ground in despair. He can’t even bare to look Martok in the eye.

Julian tries again and this time speaks very slowly and hopes what he hears is lovely and fluent. And it is. Lovely, fluent Juba Arabic and then again in again in a lovely British English. He finds it hard to separate either from standard in his mind. Garak huffs and looks at him more and more annoyed.

"Sounds delightful doctor, but I still can't understand a word. Give me the device so I try to fix it".

Julian huffs a bit, hands him the broken piece of equipment and then sits on the ground with his arms wrapped around his legs.

“I hate this.” He’s hoping that was close enough to federation standard for Sisko and Jadzia to get it.

Garak turns to Jadzia and tries to communicate in Bajoran. He is sure he is actually quite fluent. The translator is badly broken and he doubts he’ll be able to fix it on his own. He tries to explain to her what he needs and they all give him blank stares. He snaps.

"Really, Jadzia? Come on, you dated at least 10 bajorans! Surely you picked at least one word that doesn’t refer to anatomy!"

She only understands her name and bajorans and wonders if he just insulted her, so she nods slowly, frowning.

Garak groans and looks between Jadzia and Julian again.

“Didn’t Leeta teach either of you anything? You both dated her! I can’t believe any of you, you pampered federations.”

Julian swallows and then looks back to Sisko. He points to his own chest and tries again to communicate.

“Captain, we need -.”

"Julian, English please". Sisko is trying hard to be supportive, but Julian is incredibly bad. At least with English they can understand each other. Mostly.

Garak tries with High Vulcan. With Kardassi. With common Tellarite.

Jadzia speaks in Klingon and Trill. No use either. Martok nods enthusiastically at the Klingon. Great. Just the one that has zero engineering skills.

Sisko tries with English and Julian answers tiredly again.

Julian does manage some replies in Vulcan, but they’re so heavily accented Garak just shakes his head. Julian eventually gives up trying to talk at all because he’s quite embarrassed.

Garak is so livid. Such a brain and he didn't even try to learn new languages. The good thing is he can insult him and he'll be none the wiser.

"Garak, I know you are cursing at me."

Garak doesn't understand his words either.

“Have you never even tried to learn another language, Doctor? I can’t believe you. Such a careless attitude if you ask me.”

Julian is very huffy and keeps glaring at him.

“Garak, there’s no point in talking to me. I can’t understand what you’re saying, and apparently my Federation Standard is so atrocious you wouldn’t understand that even if you had picked up a few phrases here or there. Which you haven’t, so you can’t judge.”

“My dear doctor, such a great brain and you are letting it go to waste.”

“Have you just complimented my looks? Why, thank you Garak.”

Martok and Jadzia are happily talking about how everyone else sounds. Jadzia has a very thick accent but mostly can talk, but she feels bad for Worf, who tries to talk but feels so embarrassed he's mostly listening. He feels he lost all his honor.

Julian is trying to fix the translator but he can't even understand the documentation. Garak takes it out of his hands again to try it himself.

Julian is very annoyed and crosses his arms. He tries to speak Federation again because maybe this time it will be better.

“Captain, Jadzia, does anyone read Bajoran to help Garak here?”

Or that’s what he thinks he said. He repeats the question in English, but Sisko just shakes his head.

Garak keeps talking in Kardassi because it is also fun to know nobody understands him. If he’s going to be cut out from everybody, that’s the least he can do. He explains what he's doing only to get on Julian's nerves.

“Oh, shut up, Garak. You know I can’t understand you and I know you’re only telling me what you’re doing to mock me.”

Julian huffs and leans over and presses his index finger over Garak’s lips. Garak feels tempted to bite him, and does indeed the gesture, so Julian insults him with everything he can think of in both Arabic and English. It is very musical, but it is also obvious how rude it is. Garak leans closer, with a wide smile.

"Language, dear doctor."

“You have no idea if I’m cursing. No one here does except the Captain, because apparently I can’t speak any of the languages I thought I could!” He throws his arms to the sky in frustration. At least dramatics _are_ an universal language.

At least Garak and Julian are sort of understanding what the other says. Garak smiles at him far too nicely.

“Upset at your lack of genius?”

"I don't understand you, my dear Garak. Are you telling me State secrets?"

"Was that another tirade about postganglionic nerves, doctor?"

One glance at their fixed smiles and Sisko decides he won't get in the middle of it.

Jadzia thinks she may have better luck with the translator, so she just passes between them and snatches it, taking the manual as well.

"Sorry boys, you are not making progress."

Julian crosses his arms and leans over so he is sitting right next to Garak.

“You’re calling me an idiot, aren’t you?”

"Are you insulting me, Julian?"

Julian huffs a little and pokes Garak’s eyebridge.

“You don’t have to be rude. I know my linguistic skills are lacking compared to what you expected. I’ll work on it.”

Jadzia is impressed they’re flirting even with the language barrier. She thinks maybe she should arrange them to get lost together so they can diffuse a bit all those years of tension. It would be easier for everybody around if they did. Not to mention productive.

"Doctor, I'd like to understand what you are saying but clearly your skills are terrible". He switches to Romulan only because he wants to boast about how many languages he knows.

But then Julian smiles excitedly.

“Garak! Now we can talk. A little.”

Oooh, Garak was not expecting that. He was having so much fun.

Jadzia is trying to think of a reason for them to take a walk or go somewhere. She’s torn between amused and fed up with them. She stands between them and clears her throat.

“Garak, Julian, firewood!” And she points at a path and then back at them. She tries with Standard. No use.

"Something in the road, dear?"

They don't understand her. She sighs. She repeats it in Vulcan, pointing down the road again and then at a log and then rubbing her hands together. Had they never even played charades?

“Are you cold, dear?”

“No! Fire!” Can’t either of them understand any Standard? She switches to romulan too and repeats.

Julian suddenly understands.

“Fire? Fire, yes!” He feels like a child but Jadzia nods excitedly.

Garak is trying to decide what language to switch to to annoy Julian. Now he can't pretend not to be able to communicate. He rolls his eyes at them.

"Fire? Use phaser, Jadzia. Hot."

Yes, of course she could use a phaser. That's not the point.

“Get wood. Is order.”

Julian frowns a bit but shrugs.

“It is something to do.”

He can't refuse because he can't talk anyway. They start down the path in the woods. She sighs and goes back to her work with the translator.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak and Julian accidentally take their flirting to the accidents-do-happen level.

They walk through the forest, just like Jadzia ordered them to. It would be really nice if it was not for the fact that they are stranded and they can’t even talk enough to ask for help, but well, if nobody is perfect, you can't expect the situations to be either, Garak guesses.

Julian bumps Garak’s shoulder playfully.

“How much Romulan you speak? How is my accent?”

"Terrible. And little. Gardener. Once many years."

"You terrible at it, Garak."

“You not much good either.”

“Mine isn’t bad.”

Julian smiles because that was technically a full sentence. And he is quite sure he got all the words this time.

"Tell something long then."

"Do want not, Garak."

Garak snorts, though he's not sure if it was really as bad as he thinks it was. At this point neither has a point of reference.

"You can't, doctor. You not know Romulan."

“Do know. I _seen_ many stories.”

"Tell then."

They are surprised they are even able to understand each other. They are both very aware of how terrible they are.

“I six when met wings people on Adigeon Prime. Bigger than Worf. Stole me from me, but not Kukalaka.”

Garak now really starts laughing. He knows enough to know that was a disaster. Julian is so offended. He crosses his arms and blocks Garak's path.

"Do better you, then."

Garak swallows and thinks for a few seconds. If he gets one complete sentence, he wins. He’s not sure what, but for sure he wants to win it. But he knows he is very basic with his skills. He inhales and starts, sounding surer than he feels.

"I tailor all day. Decrypt. Many talents, me."

“Not better.” And Julian crosses his arms smugly.

“Said real words.”

"Bad order. And many short."

"Can know you not."

“Can too. Good order. I do that.”

Julian looks so delightfully smug.

"You do not. _Doctorrr_."

He is proud of knowing how to say doctor in Romulan. It's something.

“Well. Gardener not good either.”

Julian is also pleased even though he copied that from Garak. At least he understood what he was saying. Or at least he hopes he did. He could very well be saying he was a spy or a killer for all he knows. At least they’re both true as well.

He smiles and picks up a stick.

“Wood. Make fire.”

 

Meanwhile Jadzia is fighting against the device. It is definitely beyond repair. She wonders if she should try to bypass it completely. Worf is sitting at her side, trying not to say anything.

She’s very frustrated and telling Martok and Worf they might have to fly home without being able to communicate with Sisko, Julian, and Garak. Almost impossible to pilot a runabout that way, they would all be on their own. Even if they are as skilled as she knows they are, the risk of encountering Jem'hadar and not being able to fight them is one she'd rather not take. Worf nods and smiles because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself further.

Jadzia is worried.

“I’ll have to be the pilot and Worf and Martok the main other two on the consoles. At least I can communicate with them. You and Julian can converse together as back up, at least a bit.But no one can handle communications. No offense, Ben, you are terrible with standard.”

“Old man, I didn’t understand anything.”

“I’m aware, Ben. I’m aware.”

 

Julian tries to collect wood while Garak comes up behind him.

“Sound different.”

"What sound?" He jumps a little. Garak could afford making a bit of noise when he stalks somebody from behind. It would be just polite.

“You voice. Now, no translator voice. Sound different.”

"You too. Sound..." He can't find the word so he looks around. He sees a little snake like animal and points at it. "Sound like that."

“Like animal?” Garak raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his head. Is Julian trying to insult him again?

Julian tries to make a hissing sound with his mouth as an example. Garak’s eyes suddenly get illuminated when he understand.

"Oooh, ssss, yes. Important sound for Kardassi. You sound more lllll and mmmm and hhhhr. Weird, you."

“Llll and mmmm? Weird?” Julian is surprised.

"Weird. Know weird?"

“Weird how?”

Garak gets closer and inspects Julian's face.

“Cute. Tongue no split yet.”

“Split?"

Garak takes out his tongue and Julian gets a bit too close to inspect. He’d always wanted to have a chance to do so, and never found a way that was not rude to ask for it. He’d been fascinated for years, but Garak’s mouth moves in such a way it is almost impossible to catch more than a glimpse of his tongue.

"Oh, no, no, humans no. Never. Only for decoration. Some do. Like..." He gestures his face, trying to convey the idea of rings and earrings. He’s not sure cardassians have any forms of body decoration to understand why a human would split his tongue surgically.

“Show?”

Julian sticks his tongue out so Garak can see. The cardassian smiles too smugly. He is standing now very close. Julian can’t remember if he was so close to him ever in the past, and his breath hitches.

“Is very pink.”

He grabs his tongue and Julian yelps. He falls as ungracefully as possible. Julian’s eyes widen as he hits the ground and makes a whimpering sound. Garak raises an eye ridge.

“Weird noise, doctor.”

Julian scowls. This is not the time to keep flirting.

"Help. Foot, uhm... Problem."

“Hurt?” Garak asks as he kneels down and looks at his boot.

Suddenly Garak realizes he made a mistake. Julian's foot is sprained. Badly. Talk about bad luck. He’s quite certain the captain will have him tied outside the runabout hull for the remaining time of their journey for this.

Garak carefully lifts him by the waist. Julian makes an appalled face, limping. He tries to put weight on it and fails. Garak sighs and passes one arm from behind under his knees.

“Carry me? But... I heavy.” He's not too eager to return to the runabout bridal style. He may have imagined similar scenarios, but neither of them included Sisko and Jadzia watching, even less so Martok and Worf. He's quite certain it is not proper according to at least 10 honor rules.

Garak places him on the ground again.

"Not heavy, you, but try walk, yes. Put weight on me."

“Okay. Sure alone, ok?”

"No option, Doctor."

Julian looks mortified. He can’t believe they made such a disaster in just 10 minutes.

"Wood! How now?"

Garak wonders why he has the word wood in his vocabulary in the first place considering how bad his Romulan is.

“Easy. Not heavy. Tiny, you. Bird.”

Julian gives him a flat look. He crosses his arms and huffs a bit while Garak helps him to sit on a trunk.

“Miss speak.”

Garak pats him on the shoulder and starts grabbing wood. It won't be easy to go back with it and Julian but well, not like there's too much choice. After all it was him who messed it up. Julian is surprised because, can Garak carry all that and support him?

“Strong?”

"I Cardassssian, doctor."

Julian is surprised at how strong the s is in cardassia. He tries to pronounce it. At least that can provide a distraction.

“Cardassshia?” He basically just sounds like an angry cat, and he feels his cheeks burn.

Garak finds it funny. He wants to correct him. Then he could learn to say human, after all, if he's able to communicate the idea.

“Card-asssss -iuh.”

“Card-Ashhh -Ea”

"no shhh, ssss. Again."

"Need to wood, Garak." He doesn’t like not being perfect at something. Garak shushes him.

"There is time. Sssss."

“Ssssh?”

Julian looks hopeful that he made he sound right this time. If maybe weaker than Garak’s, but he is sure he is getting better.

“Cardassssia?” Julian frowns and scrunches his face up.

"Better. You...?"

Julian doesn't understand at first. He insists. He signals himself and then him. Julian smiles and decides to teach him Arabic. It would be nice to have someone else to speak it with on the ship

"ah! Bashri!" (“human!”)

“Ba-ssssssri”

Julian tries to pronounce it slowly.

"Bashri."

The sh is really not garak's strongest suits. He can't quite out his throat in the right position.

Julian tries again.

“Shri.”

Garak shakes his head with a small smile.

“Mouth can’t.”

"I won then. Go back. Us. Help."

“Silly. You sound like cat.”

Garak picks him up as he speaks. Julian tries to walk for a second, but he fails. He hopes his medkit didn't break on the crash. Sisko would not be too happy to have his doctor paralyzed because he was flirting with a cardassian.

Of course the medkit broke on the crash.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! We want to know what you think of it! 💕


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, they are still at it. Even with Julian's injured ankle.

Julian stares at the broken medkit with giant sad eyes, glancing down at it, then to his obviously injured ankle, and finally back to Sisko. He wonders if the captain will try to throw him out of the runabout mid flight after this, but decides to swallow his pride and ask for help.

“I need tools.”

He tries to mime tools. Sisko is glad Julian can't understand all the things he's saying about him right now. He’s sure at least a few swear words must still be similar, but not enough for the good doctor to understand the whole tirade.

Really. Really. He's sent to pick wood and comes back with a broken foot. 

All because Jadzia wanted to play matchmaker. She couldn’t have waited until they got back to the base? He turns and redirects his tirade to her.

“Benjamin, I was trying to help.”

“Julian broken and know nothing.”

"But we can fire now." Jadzia gives him her most charming smile. It doesn't work, Sisko giving her a flat look before going back to glancing around the area. 

Worf, Julian, and Garak are moping in different parts of their makeshift campsite. Two of his best officers and one of the smartest men Sisko’s ever met, rendered useless by a broken translator and  _ tripping _ . Sisko feels like he's in charge of a bunch of kids.

Garak eventually gets up and tries to help with the repairs, but he really can't understand anything they’re saying, and they send him back to Julian, because at least Jadzia can still get them together if nothing else. 

Julian smiles at him smugly and pats him on the arm. 

“You couldn’t help either, could you?”

Of course, that's what he thinks he said. It sounds like gibberish for Garak.

"If you keep speaking human, I'll keep speaking kardassi."

And then they start bantering back and forth again. And Sisko only has the glare, not his words to stop them. As long as he’s not in their visual range, which in this case would include crouching to their level, he can’t do anything to stop them.

“Romulan better, doctorrr?”

“Say words better, Garak _ h _ .”

"Vulcan, doctor? No?"

"Not really. Ktarian? Catian? Ferengi?"

Garak is quite sure Julian’s bragging and can't say a word in any of those languages. But he can't even find the words to mock him.

“Few words.”

“Latin. Human spoke. Old time spoke.” He’s quite certain that’s not the correct word in romulan for language, but the fact that Garak is not correcting him proves that he doesn’t know either.

"You can't.” 

"You can not it prove.”

“Maybe I can.”

Julian just starts reciting Latin poetry to Garak, the words coming easily to him. He learned it by heart a bit after his augmentations, but he won’t admit to not knowing the language outside of those pieces. Maybe he could learn it for real once they are back in DS9. He wonders if Garak will like the  _ The Aeneid  _ once they can read it together. 

“How you sound now, doctor?” Garak is quite sure either Julian was reciting by memory, or his rendering of the poems was terrible, but he can’t prove either.

“Impeccable.” It’s the title of Julian’s favorite Romulan song, but Julian feels so smug because clearly he knows more Romulan. Maybe only because of a pop song popular when he was at the academy, but still. 

Garak then starts reciting Preloc, making sure to pronounce each word with the proper reverence. Julian raises an eyebrow but listens patiently. He even claps at the end. And Garak doesn't like that clapping at all.

Sisko is thinking about throwing something at them so they get the message that now isn’t the time to flirt. At least he and Worf are  _ trying  _ to keep an eye on the runabout. 

Garak’s more concerned with the fact that Julian’s still wincing every so often. 

"How is... Feet, doctor? Better?"

"Hurts."

"Needs something?"

Julian wants to say he needs to elevate it but he doesn’t know the words in Romulan. 

“Need... high.” He doesn't say more than that. so Garak just takes his leg in his hands. 

“Put in lap.”

Sisko can't believe them. They are still at it. They crashed on that planet 4 hours, and they are still at it. He tries glaring at them again but they don’t even take their eyes from each other.

Jadzia's mouth is hanging open and she punches Martok on the shoulder. He smiles brightly over at them. 

Julian slides his foot on Garak’s thigh and tries to play it cool, but on the inside he’s flustered at the sudden elevation of their flirting. He glances at Sisko and gulps at his livid expression. He’s sure he’ll never hear the end of it once they‘re back on the station.

“Thank you, Elim.”

Worf says something about being improper, but it's in Russian so they don't pay him attention. No one can understand his sage advice except Jadzia, and she can’t translate. These two will bring shame to their families. 

Garak checks on Julian with a real concern. It wouldn't do them any good to have the doctor going around with a broken ankle. 

Julian smiles and leans over to touch Garak’s arm and then just rests his hand there. It’s nice, the material soft beneath his fingers. 

“Not broken. Hurts.”

Jadzia tries to gossip with Martok about them, since Worf is being no fun about this. 

“I think not being able to talk themselves into circles is letting them step up their flirting, Martok.”

"I think your husband is about to have a stroke watching them."

"So is my boss.”

“Sisko doesn’t approve of them?”

“No, he just didn’t realize there was a them to approve of.”

Meanwhile Julian is leaning in and slides his arm down to Garak’s hand and grabs hold of it. He is wondering how far can he take this before he ends up with a court martial from a very irate Sisko. He raises an eyebrow at Garak. 

“Okay?” And he lifts their entwined hand up carefully so Garak knows what he means.

Garak says something in kardassi, and his expression is unreadable. Either it was something sweet, serious or extremely dirty, and he looks like he's expecting and answer Julian can’t give right now. Julian clears his throat pointedly and speaks in English. 

"Garak, I have no idea what you are trying to say. Use Romulan.”

Julian is flustered enough to forget Garak doesn't understand him either. He waits for any kind of clue, but Garak just keeps watching him with those sharp, expectant eyes. He repeats the question.

Julian gulps a little. He’ll just have to guess at what Garak is trying to say. At least that’s familiar. It’s not as if Garak had ever told him anything directly before. The only difference now is that he can’t even guess the words.

Julian steels his nerves and tries to hide the nervousness in his voice. 

“Like you most from always.”

That was not what Garak was expecting. He had asked him if he wanted him to grab a coat because it was getting cold. He wanted to fluster Julian but he had not expected this. Garak’s eyes widen in obvious shock. Julian pulls his hand away because clearly that is not what Garak meant or how he feels. This is quite embarrassing for him. 

Garak is still shocked, but he does notice Julian pulling away from him. He grabs the hand back and puts it where it was before. 

"There. Stay."

Julian gets even more flustered than before but doesn’t move.

Martok is laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes. He's leaning on Jadzia. Worf is beyond scandalized. Sisko just gives up, because if they’re going to be inappropriate he has more important things to focus on. 

Jadzia smiles wide and gives Julian a thumbs up which he catches from the corner of his eye. Julian gives her a flat look but then he smiles too. 

Then he turns his attention back to Garak.

“Yes. Stay. Need warm?” 

Julian cuddles up closer to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pressing his body against Garak’s colder one. 

Worf covers his eyes and mumbles several curse words in Russian. Jadzia suspects he might be reaching his limit with this whole situation. 

"Sure. Cold, me.” Garak murmurs flirtatiously, wrapping his arms around Julian’s side, careful not to dislodge his foot. Any other person would be getting quite numb at this point, but Julian’s augmentations seem to make him a bit more flexible than a normal human.

Worf mutters something under his breath again and Jadzia decides it might be time for him to take a break. She takes his arm and suggest they go for a walk too. She feels a bit sorry for him and wants to cheer him.

Sisko cuts them off with an incredulous look in his face.

“Old man. Forest, again? Really?” Sisko can’t believe Jadzia is now leading her husband to the woods. He swears, if one of them comes back injured too...

“No worry, Ben. All good. We more careful.”

The first minutes Worf doesn’t even talk. He’s really annoyed. At Julian and Garak being so shameless. At the runabout being broken. At himself being such a honorless man. He starts talking about honor in Russian. 

Jadzia tries to comfort him and even gives him the right way to say those things in Klingon. He tries but fails with some of the words, and she worries it was a bad idea to try to teach him, seeing how frustrated he’s becoming.

"I am a disgrace, Jadzia. I have no honor. I don't deserve being part of Martok's house."

“Martok wanted you in his house because of your courage and honor in battle and dedication to doing what was right. Not because of how good your Klingon was. And that you can learn.” Jadzia smirks. “And you’d have a teacher with an excellent reward system.”

"You are not even Klingon. I have fallen."

Worf proves, yet again, to being almost impervious to her charms. Sometimes she wonders if she married him because of that. Others, if she should eject him from the runabout for the same reason. Preferably when they are close to an exploding star, a poisonous nebula or a battlefield.

She punches him in the shoulder. 

“You’re only falling by carrying on like this. Where are your determination and pride?”

"I have them, but I do not have the tools to carry them."

She rolls her eyes. Men.

“Which is why you need to learn Klingon.”

"I don't even know the word for honor." Do klingon men cry? Jadzia never saw one, but she’s now somehow expecting Worf to start weeping.

" _ Batlh _ , husband. Now you can say it."

“Batleth. Like my weapon.” Worf does smile a bit at that. Good. No weeping. She’s not sure how to comfort a klingon man, to be honest. What she knows is, Worf seems to have no ear for languages. 

"Similar, Worf. Drop the E when you pronounce it."

“Bathlh?” Worf looks so hopeful. She won’t break his heart by telling him how terrible he is. There will be time later. Better to go to another word and make him believe he at least got this one right. In time he may be actually able to say it. She won't press on the fact he's putting more letters than he should, for now.

"Better. You'll be talking Klingon in no time. Now, I am your  _ be'nal _ , you are my  _ loDnal _ . Repeat."

“Baee’naal. And I’m your IoDonaa’l.”

She never imagined she'd have to build up Worf's confidence. She smiles approvingly. All those lives being a mother or a father, she had to teach several times how to speak to her offspring. This is the first time she has to teach how to speak to an adult man, but well, isn’t being a joined trill all about new experiences?

“Great, Worf. Now what else do you want to learn to say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak and Julian keep doing whatever it is they are doing. Sisko considers if it's actually such a bad idea to allow them. Worf gets scandalized again. Martok discovers a talent for cooking.

In their improvised camp, Julian grins and tries to say hello in Kardassi. He asks Garak to say it. It is a long and complex word. Really, can’t they just have monosyllabic words like the rest of the galaxy? Everything must be difficult? He says the word and looks hopefully at Garak’s face. He’s sure he at least sounded quite convincing.

"Sssss, dear. Say the s." Garak is starting to believe Julian is incapable of saying certain letters. Now that he thinks about it, he can’t remember any sibilant sound in his English or Arabic phrases. Perhaps they really don’t exist, or Julian just forgets to say them.

Julian can't make the sound no matter how he tries. He ends up borderline chirping in Garak’s face. Once again, Garak feels amazed at how contorted the young human is, one leg in his lap, his arms around his shoulders, and his face too close to him. That can’t possibly be comfortable, no matter how augmented he is.

"Doctor, you pronounce bad... Look at me. Hear. Sssss."

“Sssssh?” Julian tries to move his tongue the same way.

"Better, doctor. Repeat this, now."

Julian wonders if it is a good idea repeating without asking, considering how devious Garak’s smile is. He repeats the new phrase and Garak shakes his head.

“Sssssh?” Julian tries again and repeats it a few times.

Garak finally smiles and nods.

"You improve. Make me say something now."

“ _ Hello _ . Now you try?”

Garak tries and it takes him 3 attempts until it sounds a bit like what Julian said. He looks proud. 

"I learning, doctor."

Julian pouts. Only three attempts? Something must be wrong with his brain, that’s the only explanation. He’ll have it checked as soon as he can make his equipment work again. He sighs.

"Teach doctor. To me." He wants to say that in kardassi.

Garak says it, and Julian frowns. He can’t recognize the sounds. And he points at his throat and shakes his head. Garak repeats it slower this time, making more emphasis in each sound. This time, Julian makes a better work.

Garak feels confident his accent will always be a bit... off, almost cute in its way, but he can learn. He leans closer and Julian insists until the sound is a bit more intelligible.

Julian beams at him once he’s sure he was almost perfect. 

"Now you. in Arab.  _ Tabib _ ." He says doctor. Maybe he can teach him English too, later. “ _ Tabib _ . Say.”

“Thabib?”

“Tabib.”

At the second try, Garak manages to say it. Julian pouts a bit because Garak is learning more quickly than him.

"It ok, my  _ tabib _ . Your is easiest to mine."

They are both quite confident if there were any Romulans nearby, they would die if they heard how they are mangling their language. Or maybe they’d murder them. Probably the latter. 

"Say my name, Garak. Julian."

“Julian? Julian.” Garak tries a little and then rolls it around his tongue a bit. Julian’s expression makes him wonder how he heard his name before. He had never imagined even names were translated. “Now try me.”

"Elim. Easy!" Julian is quite pleased with himself. He looks confident. Garak nods. For once, his name seems the kind of sound made for Julian to pronounce. “Elim Garak!”

He leans closer and shivers a bit

"Cold, you cold?"

“Cold yes.” Julian hugs him tighter and pulls him close. “Blanket?”

"Yes. Pleasssse."

Julian gives him a flat look, and then Garak remembers he can't walk so he makes gestures for him to wait and goes to find one.

Garak wraps them both and snuggles. He lets a content sigh.

"Like hot blood. Warmer."

"Only that?" He frowns, and is not sure if he should get flirty or kick him for stealing his heat. He wonders how hard can he kick him with the uninjured leg.

“Warm. Happy.” Garak says and he nips at his ear a little without thinking.

Julian shakes his head and laughs a bit. He jumps a bit at the nip but doesn't pull away. He is mildly aware they should behave because Sisko is still around. But he feels he’s somehow free. No being smarter than everyone else, no trying to hide how he’s better, faster, stronger. He’s injured, he’s barely able to talk to anyone except Sisko, he’s useless for the situation they are in. It is a liberating feeling, struggling as anybody else.

“Warm thief.” Julian leans in as much as he can and winces a bit. Garak looks at him with concern and he shrugs. “Foot hurt.”

"Need cold?"

Julian nods, and Garak goes inside the runabout again, to see if there's ice or anything. He finally finds a cooling pad, and he straps it to his ankle using a bit of fabric he pulls out of his pocket.

Julian sighs in relief and they wrap the blanket around themselves. Garak leans over and presses a quick kiss to his cheek. 

“Feel better?”

“Little. Want home.” Julian laughs a bit too. He’s starting to wonder if he really wants to go home, though. He could stay here, learning Kardassi and feeling normal, his whole life.

"Why? for translator?"

“Yes. Maybe. And foot.” Julian glances down at it and shakes his head.

"Yes. Too bad you fell."

"Your fault. Pulled my tongue."

“Wouldn’t make Cardassian fall.”

“Not Cardassian.”

"You delicate. Hi-uman. Soft."

Both are quite sure they are not on the same page, but like hell that will stop then from talking. It had not stopped them before. At this point they are just enjoying being comfortable for the first time in who knows how long.

“Not delicate. Tough. You just like rock. And surprised me.”

“You’re not. You bent foot." Garak rolls his eyes. “Cardassian would not.”

“I - because tongue. Don’t fall in real life. Never.”

Garak snorts and snuggles a bit more.

"Cold."

Julian snuggles back and kisses him on the cheek.

“Make cold better.”

"Your foot?"

"Better. I am sleep feeling."

He snuggles and starts dozing off. Garak smiles and holds him carefully. 

“Sleep sweet.”

He’s not going to because they need to keep an eye out while Jadzia fixes the runabout. Who knows what lives here? Also he can't be sure Sisko won't throw something at him for whatever he thinks he's done to the doctor. After all, Sisko is glaring over at them. 

Sisko’s both annoyed and concerned. On one hand, he was pretty sure the doctor had gotten over this crush after the incident where he had to shoot Garak. Now it is clearly not the time for him to be fraternizing with one of the members of the species they are fighting, even if he is more or less on their side.

They’ll have to have a serious talk when they get back. Julian is clearly still too impulsive. Also he is not sure he won't be a terrible influence. He still isn’t over what they've done to the Romulan senator.

But on the other hand, having Julian with Garak could mean he'd be more aware when Section 31 tries to manipulate him. And he could provide a tether to Julian, who’s been quite unstable since his augmentations became public.

Suddenly Sisko realizes maybe it is not such a bad thing. Truth is, he's been increasingly worried about the doctor. His mental health is delicate, he is more and more rigid lately, his values clashing with reality, falling into fantasy worlds to cope. He’s been spending more and more time in the holoprogram when off work and less and less time with Miles and Jadzia or even Garak, and he had been arguing about everything, getting more and more caught up with small details.

He is surprised in fact he is not arguing moral values with Garak. Apparently something good came from this Babel situation. Right now the doctor seems relaxed and happy despite his foot and lack of words.

Maybe he should just let them have a vacation in the planet. He wonders if he can abandon them here without getting a court martial. After all, he can come pick them up later. Maybe a couple years later. He’s sure they’ll manage.

 

Night falls a bit after Jadzia and Worf come back. Sisko looks at all his officers. Martok is whistling while making a stone weapon, which could be considered as the closest thing a klingon can do to art. Worf and Jadzia look relaxed, although quite scratched and bruised. He decides not to ask at all. He doesn’t need to know. Julian is asleep in Garak’s lap. 

Maybe this is what they needed. A small retreat from war.

Sisko throws his arms out, shouting “food” and pointing at the runabout.

Garak picks Julian up and manages to do it without waking him up.

Worf looks at them and tries to complain in Klingon. At least he now can pronounce peta’Q a bit better. Is the only swear word he knows. He says in Russian that Julian and Garak need to marry first.

Jadzia looks at him flatly, answering in Russian as well.

"We married later, Worf. And we did a lot more that just that, in case you forgot."

“Only because you wanted to wait. I wanted to preserve your honor.”

She rolls her eyes and enters the runabout, with Worf following her.

"I would have married at least 50 times if I went directly for marriage every time I met somebody interesting, Worf. Or maybe more. Want to hear the details?"

Worf really doesn't want to hear the details. It is only his own fault for mentioning it, honestly.

“Not really. I’m just talking about honor here.”

“Too bad. I could tell you about all that in Russian and Klingon. Now, Ben, need help putting the table together?”

Worf follows her grumpily. Really, there’s not enough space inside a runabout to have them walking around the table having that kind of discussion. 

“Well, I would have only married you and Alexander’s mother.”

"Your problem, not mine. I am more open than you, but I don't see you complaining about all the ideas I have because of that. You certainly benefited from my experience a couple hours ago, husband."

That is really not a conversation Worf wanted to have. In Russian. And this is not a conversation Sisko wanted to hear, either. He’s glad he knows about nothing of Russian, because the little he can make of the conversation is enough to make him want to take his ears off.

Garak helps Julian to sit, who is stirring and still has the blanket over his shoulders. He walks to the replicator and tries with all possible languages but eventually gives up. He walks to Sisko and makes gestures. 

"Food. I can not."

Sisko does the same. He gestures himself cooking. 

"Wait. I fix for all something. Go doctor."

His standard is basic but Garak sort of understands him, mostly because of the mimic, so he nods and goes back to Julian. He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. 

“Captain cook.”

“Re-food maker broken too?” Julian scrunches his face up in annoyance.

"No, it does not understand."

“Captain standard no good.”

"No, so he cooks."

Julian feels bad even though Sisko loves cooking. Also he is a bit scared of what the Captain will make. With replicators he can be sure he’ll like it. He sighs and looks for a distraction.

"Bored, Garak. Tell something. Kardassi."

“K’seeri.” Garak smiles.

“K’sssheeri? What mean?”

Garak smiles and raises his eyeridges.

"K'Seeri. Repeat"

“K’ssseeri?”

Julian raises his eyebrows and mimics Garak. 

“Mean?”

"Guess." Garak’s smile is devious. Julian gulps. He’s quite sure he’ll make the same mistake he did a while ago and jump to a very embarrassing concept pretty soon.

“Dear?”

"Close."

“Husband? Love? Doe?” He says the last one with a laugh.

"Doe?"

“Girl deer.”

"Not know deer. No asking for husband. Yet."

"Like the yet." Really, was he ever that bold being able to talk? His awkward flirting included retelling medical school stories or discussing literature.

Garak is surprised for a second but then smiles widely. 

“Good.”

“So love?”

Garak says no with the head and instead goes to get the blanket and cuddle again. Around them, Jadzia and Worf are still discussing, while Martok peels onions, humming to himself. 

"This. Not cold."

“Oh! Warm!” Julian sounds excited and wraps himself closer around Garak. “Happy. Happy in kardassi? Teach.”

Garak tells him the word. Little by little, the alien sounds are becoming less challenging. Julian feels more at ease than he has in the last months. He can't argue or get excited over things with anybody. He can’t do anything but relax and appreciate the life around him and the weight and warmth of the blanket.

"When we talk again. Teach kardassi?"

“Yes. Teach Federation?”

"I don't know federation. Know Arabic and English. Want me to?"

"Yes."

"Arabic then.  _ Murih _ . Comfortable."

“Murih. You.”

"Mmm, you too. Stay with me?"

"Yes. Leg needs care?"

"Yes. So you stay."

“Massage?”

“No!” It’s in Russian but they all can understand the tone. They roll their eyes at Worf in unison and Jadzia laughs so hard she has tears when she stops.

"You are terrifying my husband." she knows they can't understand anyway.

Julian smiles brightly and lies back on the chair. 

“No care. Cuddle.”

"Worf, bye." Garak is enjoying so much making him uncomfortable. He waves his hand dismissively at him.

“Inappropriate.”

Worf does stomp off to his and Jadzia’s room with a huff. 

Julian shakes his head and tries to put on a chiding expression. Something on the back of his head reminds him they are still on duty and he shouldn’t make fun of an officer. Now that he thinks about it, they are in the middle of a mission. What is he doing?

Julian snuggles closer but he is not quite sure what their situation is, and can't really ask either. He looks at the places they are touching each other. The anxiety he’s been having for the last months starts to come back slowly.

“Garak? What are we?”

"Don't understand."

Julian makes a face and then looks more exasperated. 

“You me? Where?”

"Where? Ship. Common room. Chairs."

Julian makes an angry sound of frustration. He feels even more like a child than earlier. 

“No! We. What are we?” He waves their entangled hand.

"Oh. Don’t know yet."

Julian makes another sound of annoyance but doesn’t say anything. Garak pulls him closer.

"Not matter yet."

Julian stays quiet but lets himself be pulled closer. Words usually get him in trouble, after all.

And he doesn't have the words, anyway.

He can’t express all his concerns in anything but languages Garak won’t understand, so he snuggles closer, still feeling anxiety slowly wash over him. Garak is so close he can bury his nose in his hair and he tentatively does it, waiting to see if he'll get kicked out or not. Instead, Julian just sighs.

Finally Martok and Sisko bring food, while Jadzia manages to get Worf out of the room.

Julian sees the meal and is quite excited - the Captain is a good cook. But then...

“Beets! I’m not fond of beets, Captain.”

“Not much choice.” Sisko mutters. “Not much real food here.”

Julian wrinkles his nose and proceeds to put all his beets in Garak's plate. If he can't protest, he may as well be saying yes, after all.

Garak raises an eyeridge and looks concerned. He’s never had beets before and Julian seems disgusted by them. He wonders if he can discreetly push them to Worf’s plate.

One look from Sisko, and he decides to give them a try. The alternative looks more dangerous. 

He’s surprised to find that they taste good. He raises an eye ridge at Julian’s plate, which has been carefully curated.

“This is good,  _ tabib _ .”

"I don’t like beets."

“I see. And the other food?” Julian’s plate is carefully arranged so different colors don’t mix.

“No mixing.”

Garak feels like he lacks the words to mock him so he have to put his most annoying face. Julian scowls and pulls away to lean against the chair instead. Garak wonders about his sudden change of attitude but decides to wait.

Julian is worrying that things will go downhill once he can talk again. After all, he’s been reminded of what his place is for the last year nonstop. He’s the dangerous augment who neither the Federation nor Cardassia think should exist and well. Isn’t he that? He did shoot Garak. His father is in prison when he should be. Everybody treats him as a computer.

But he can’t put any of that into words. He finishes eating in silence. Garak decides to ask when they are alone again.

Martok takes the dishes off when they finish. For a klingon commander, is amazing how at ease he seems to be with domestic chores.

Garak gets to his feet and helps Julian stand.

“Help you to room?"

Julian nods, and limps, putting his weight on Garak to walk. They’ve been assigned shared quarters, since nobody else wanted to room with the cardassian. He wonders why, considering how charming he is. He felt a bit insulted at first, in fact.

He helps Julian get to the bed and gets another cooling pad.

"Julian? Better?"

“Yes. Elim I - you sleep. Fine.”

"Ok. You too?"

He helps him go to the bathroom so he can put pajamas. 

Julian is self-conscious but changes, speaking in Arabic to fill the silence. He doesn’t want to get out of practice with that too. Being down to one language would be embarrassing. 

Garak stays giving him his back so he doesn't invade his privacy so at first he doesn't realize it. But then, he realizes Julian is giving him the most ridiculous interpretation of Preloc’s short stories he’d ever heard.

"I'm hearing you in kardassi again, Julian. Too bad, I liked your language."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! plot twist!
> 
> Comments are love!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the pair of fools have a real conversation. Jadzia steals from the sickbay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nettlethistle made a drawing for our fic, and it was really moving for us!
> 
> http://boomdeyadah.tumblr.com/post/184324901835/babel-lizard-by-aidaran-and-startravel-such-a

Garak looks at Julian with a smile. Finally now they will be able to talk about what’s been happening all day. He believes the correct expression is “the elephant in the room”. He read it once in a thoroughly boring book Julian lent him, and a little research in the computers showed it was an extinct animal, with big tusks and long brown hair. He’s not sure what it has to do with rooms, but since humans tended to eat it, probably there’s some sort of a correlation.

“So, Julian, about today...”

Julian’s eyes are panicked and Garak shuts up. What is going on? He starts again.

“Maybe we should talk about the...”  _ elephant was it? _

“Garak, about earlier, when we were flirting, that was just a bit of fun, right?”

“Fun? Well, yes, but...”

“Yes, all play and that to lighten a boring day.”

“Yes, dear, of course, but...”  _ what’s going on? _

“I need to go to sickbay, don’t... don’t wait up for me, ok? I may take a while. Go to sleep.”

And then he bolts. More like limps, in fact, to the sickbay. He expects to be alone, have time to think, to analyze.

But no. Jadzia is there. And she looks like... caught in the act?

“Julian! Are you here to fix your foot?” She looks at him and her expression changes to a worried one. “Is everything ok?”

“No, it’s not. I... I probably made a mistake.”

“What do you mean? A medical one?”

He sits in a biobed, his head on his hands, looking despaired. She puts something down and away from Julian’s sight and sits at his side.

“No, no, flirting with Garak! I... how can I be thinking about something like that with the war raging on and my augmentation in the open! I may look it, but I’m not an idiot, Jadzia. I know I avoided conviction because my mind is useful. I remove cameras and microphones from my quarters every other week. How can I be thinking about being with anybody anymore?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t reject you only for that, Julian.”

He sighs and hugs his knees, flinching and getting his injured leg down again.

“Garak is a spy who loves being in the shadows. I will never be in them and after the war - well, we don’t even know that I won’t end up court martialed or in jail or-“

"And who cares, Julian? For all we know we could be dead tomorrow as well."

“I - that’s even more reason! I can’t give Garak a moment of happiness and then die!”

"Maybe that's the best you could give him. We live uncertain times."

“But he deserves more - he should be with someone else. Someone who isn’t a walking crime.”

Jadzia sighs and pats his shoulder, sitting at his side.

"You know, I don't regret trying to get back with Khan a couple years ago. Even if it didn't work out. I loved her then, and I love her now. I was sad when she decided not to stay, but I don’t regret it even if our society would have cast us away."

Julian shakes his head, but leans on her, feeling more emotionally vulnerable than physically, even if he can’t walk and is still hurting.

“That’s completely different. You two would have been committing a crime, I am one. There’s no - Garak is actually smart and charming and witty on his own, not thanks to a treatment. Plus, I shot him.”

"He didn't seem to mind either of those things. And being a crime didn't stop you from hitting on me when we first met."

“That’s because I never thought we’d - I figured you’d either turn me down and avoid me or we’d hook up and never talk about it.”

His shocked face make her laugh a bit. All this time she thought he was just a dumb little puppy when he arrived at the station. She never imagined he was trying to add to his self pity even then.

"Let Garak be the one making the choice. He already knows what he'd be getting."

“No, he doesn’t! He doesn’t know about the eugenics war at all. I asked once, before my augmentation became public, and he said human history was boring.”

“And what do you know about what Garak thinks of genetic engineering?”

"I... honestly I never dared ask him."

“Maybe it’s about time you did.”

"What if he despises me?"

“Then at least you’ll know. And I’ll be here for you. And Miles will mess with his room temperature for months.”

He looks at her with pleading eyes for a moment. He gulps and takes her hand.

"Can you switch rooms with me if he rejects me?"

"I'll send Worf in your place."

And Julian can’t help grinning a bit at that. 

“Well, then I suppose it’s time to be brave.”

"Just go."

He gets up and puts his hand in the wall to steady himself.

"Oh, and by the way, what are you doing in sickbay?"

Busted. So much for trying to distract him. She clears her throat, uncomfortable.

“Worf and I wanted to have hyposprays on hand, just in case his... Klingon lessons went  _ extra _ well.”

Julian makes a mocking horror face. In any case, it’s his fault for wanting to know what should have been obvious.

"I'm sorry I asked. I'm really, really sorry and don't want to hear any more details. Take whatever you need."

“Thank you, Julian, you are always such a generous friend. Good luck.” He nods at her, moving a bit slower than she likes. She smiles innocently. “You know, I thought maybe I could stimulate him to learn by...”

He hurries out of sickbay before she starts giving details, as he knows she will, and limps his way back into their shared quarters.

Garak raises an eyebrow and looks at his leg pointedly. He doesn’t meet his eyes, instead concentrating in a padd.

"I... well, Jadzia gave me a talk and I forgot to cure myself. I didn't dare go back there then."

"I'm surprised you even came back."

“I ... I know what I said before must have seemed hurtful and bizarre. So let me be frank, I care for you very deeply. Maybe more than I ever have anyone in my life. But... I don’t know how you feel about what I am. Not really.”

"What, that you are human? I think it's quite hard to miss that fact. No ridges as far as I can tell."

“Garak.”

"I really have no idea what you are talking about then."

Garak scowls but finally looks at Julian. The human sits on the bed, still not as close as they were just hours before.

“The fact that I’m not human. I’m genetically enhanced. I’m not brilliant or witty like you - not  _ really _ . Not because I ever had to try. And, well. I know what Cardassia thinks of genetic engineering. If you don’t do it to your people, is obvious you don’t think too highly of it.”

"I may love Cardassia, but I disagree with it in quite a lot of ways. And your enhancements make you more cardassian than human, sometimes. I like that."

“Wait - what? In what sense?” Julian isn’t sure if he should be touched or insulted. Him, cardassian?

"The way you think. The way you remember things. You can bring any page to the front of your mind and recite word by word."

Julian looks down at his hands. He doesn’t feel proud of that particular feature of him, not really.

“Well, yes I can. My mind is more like a library or a computer than a brain, I suppose.”

"And it was obvious before knowing about your enhancements, so I really don't know what we are discussing here. That knowledge changed nothing."

“I - I could have just been a very clever real human, for all that matters. You can’t possibly have known I was different since then!”

"You are far beyond a normal human. I would have gotten bored with you otherwise."

Garak risks touching his cheek and this time Julian doesn’t pull away. He still looks down, but a small smile starts appearing.

“I - I’ll take that as a compliment. But doesn’t it bother you? That I didn’t earn any of it?”

"Talent must be nurtured or it rots away."

“Mine won’t. You saw how I can’t even talk. I never made an effort.”

“Then tell me something in Latin you didn’t memorize as a child.”

"That poem I recited, I memorized it later, when I was augmented. My father looked to it. He loved to exhibit his smart pet son."

“But you didn’t actually learn?”

"I... well, I know the language to a certain extent, if I think about it.” Julian leans back, thinking. “I mean, I could extrapolate from the poems and find the repeating structures, and using that as a base, find the common core that...”

"Julian."

“No, I suppose technically you’d say that I don’t know Latin.”

"You just started to analyze the language and learn it in front of me, Julian."

“Yes, and in a day I’ll have it mastered.” Julian sounds rather regretful about that. “See? No effort.”

"Then you can teach me 3 languages. You can put effort in making me understand. In case you still want to be here, which suddenly doesn't seem to be the case."

“Of course I do. I just don’t understand why you’d want me to be, I suppose.”

"What's so hard to understand?"

“Why you don’t get bored. We’ll never have the excitement of learning together or struggling or all those things everyone else gets to do. I’ll just be there, perfect.”

Garak chuckles and gets closer, tentatively pressing his forehead to Julian’s.

"I never thought I'd have to say this to somebody as a compliment, but you are as far from perfect as you could be, my dear."

Julian manages to look excited and offended at the same time. He frowns and then smiles at him.

“And what about me isn’t perfect?”

"Nothing is perfect. Well, perhaps your hair is, but mentally, you are just as flawed as everybody else."

“Thank you, I do have quite nice hair. But, don’t you see? I can remember everything in perfect detail, I can see patterns so quickly sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.”

"you fell and broke your knee in the most ridiculous way because you were not paying attention. I can sneak from behind you and you don't notice it. And you forgot to fix your foot, so Jadzia came here earlier and left me the tools to do it, knowing you’d be so slow limping through the corridors you wouldn’t cross her. And you didn't even notice."

Julian flushes a bit and notices for the first time there’s a medkit at the other side of the bed. 

“I suppose you could argue that I have a short attention span and I’m not always the most observant about what’s going on around me. But I could be. If I wanted to. I just prefer my thoughts.”

"And that would still be fine to me. Sit straight and let me heal your ankle."

“I - Fine. So if I make myself perfectly aware at all times by tomorrow?”

“You won’t.”

"But what if I do? you'd still be ok with that?"

"I'd be, but I don't believe in impossibilities."

“I am an impossibility in some ways.” Julian smiles a little awkwardly as he moves closer to Garak, relief washing over him as the pain disappears. “Any other flaws I should know about?”

"Probably a lot. I could elaborate a list for you in kardassi." 

“I’d like to hear it. I’ll know if you say I’m hot headed at least.”

Garak finishes curing him, Julian snuggles up to his side, still feeling awkward and embarrassed because of his previous actions. Garak caresses his hair.

"Then how will I be able to talk about you without you knowing it?"

“You’ll have to think of more elaborate words.”

Garak sighs and looks at the ceiling. He throws his hands to the air.

"Or maybe I won't have to think about anything since I'm hearing alien words again. Didn’t Jadzia fix the damn thing, Julian?"

“Garak, I’m hearing kardassi again.”

Garak hopes Jadzia can be interrupted and sent to fix it. He's quite sure she's not noticing anything, and nobody will dare interrupt her. So much for having a heartfelt conversation.

Julian huffs and looks up at Garak. 

“Words gone. Romulan again?”

"Maybe good. No talking was good for you."

“Maybe. Easier. Not better anymore.”

"Don’t care if you’re etter or not."

“Why? The rest do.”

"Not I."

Garak snuggles a bit closer and Julian sigh. 

“After the war. I’ll be... not medicine.”

"Not want to doctor anymore?"

“No. Won’t let me. That why I push away. Shame.”

"Can help you. Or can come to Cardassia. With me?"

Julian opens his eyes and looks at Garak’s face in search of any hint that’s just another lie, but he’s not sure it is. Maybe he’s not imagining there’s hope there.

“I ... yes. Cardassia. I can go there with you. Let me doctor?”

"If you want. Can be happy there. Both."

Garak presses his forehead to Julian's.

“Let’s be happy. After war.” Julian gives in and just enjoys the moment. He can think about everything later.

He stays there one second but then wonders what is he doing. He pushes back and points at Garak’s spoon and then his forehead.

"This. Meaning?"

“Meaning us.”

“Together?” Julian raises an eyebrow pointedly.

"Yes. And promise. Yes for you?"

“Yes. Promise too.” Julian smiles widely and leans up to kiss Garak’s spoon. “Husband then?”

"Already?" Grak raises his eyeridges with surprise.

Really, do humans marry this easily? he was quite sure there were rituals involved. Maybe his research was flawed after all. He read so many horrible romance novels only to discover it was actually a simple ritual? How disappointing.

Julian flushes. 

“Less husband. Don’t know the word.”

"Oh. Not now, me. No care."

“I ... don’t care?” Julian raises an eyebrow as he leans up to kiss his cheek again.

"No cheek." Garak puts his finger playfully in Julian’s lips.

“Mouth?” Julian grins a bit more.

And Garak doesn't even bother to answer. He just leans in and starts kissing Julian, at first tentatively but bolder when he is sure the human won’t run away again.

Julian reminds himself to thank Jadzia later with the last shreds of coherent thoughts he has. He's quite sure she disconnected the translator on purpose.

"What next, Elim?" He leans back in the bed and smiles.

He's wondering if they can convince Sisko of letting them stay in the planet. Surely there's one law he can invoke. Maybe he can pester him enough to earn a short banishment?

“Next we choose. Us or not.” Garak doesn’t make any attempt at touching him.

"Us. No doubt. Come here?"

Garak grins and nuzzles his hair a bit. 

“You better without words.”

“Still want to learn kardassi. And teach you English and Arabic and Latin.”

"Later. Now shut up."

"Make me, Elim."

And Elim grins and pushes him back onto the bed. And it’s several hours before they know if the translator is working again or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! This may look like the end, but we enjoy this fic so much, probably we'll squeeze some more chapters out of it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things may or may not be fixed, and then everything changes.

Julian and Garak wake up late that day, assuming things will be fixed. Julian happily starts chatting, but stops when Garak just looks at him blankly.

“So, you can’t understand me?”

“Now I can. I was not able to understand you before, the translator seems to be coming and going. Maybe Jadzia did fix it again.”

“What did you say after Jadzia?”

“Julian, I can’t understand you.”

They dress again, resigned to talk in Romulan for now. They go see what is happening and find Jadzia very crossed and insulting in Trill.

“Did you break it when you turned it off?” Julian whispers in English, not sure they can talk in Standard.

“Apparently I did. Who told you  _ I _ turned it off, Julian?” She smiles impishly. Oh, yes, she did turn it off, no doubt now.

“Shall I give it another try?”

He fries it further. Sisko insults him in Standard and sends him back to Garak. Julian huffs and walks off to the campsite to stand by some trees.

Again Jadzia asks Martok for help. He shrugs and offers breakfast instead. He's really digging cooking.

Julian sits on a log besides Garak and huffs, stretching his arms and then leaning back.

"Bored. No understand them."

“Hard for you?”

“Can’t fix the machine.”

“You don’t know how.”

"Yes. I useless again."

"Thought you liked that."

“Yes but also no. Used to being smart.”

"Here you normal" he snuggles. Julian snuggles back against him and kisses him on the cheek. 

“Weird, being normal.”

"Not bad."

Martok offers them breakfast. Julian can't repress the mental image of him with an apron, so he nods and laughs a bit, taking the bread. It is surprisingly good.

“Thank you.”

Martok nods back and beams at him. He's starting to wonder if maybe he can change careers once the war is over. Maybe he can cook for the Klingon restaurant in the promenade. He’s going to the greatest general-chef there ever was. He wonders if there will be songs in his honor.

“You’re a good cook.”

Martok makes a small bow with his head and goes away, offering food to Sisko and stopping to talk. He’s so concerned about how to take care of a wok pan.

"We happy here." Julian sighs.

“Yes we are.” Garak says with a warm smile as Julian nuzzles into him.

“But duty. Home and war. 31.”

"Away."

“Have to go back. Have to join.”

Garak looks at him with surprise and disgust.

“Don’t join 31.”

Julian shakes his head. So easy to misunderstand each other. He smiles sadly and curls more tightly to Garak.

"Not 31. Not want. Starfleet. Have to go back."

“Leave Starfleet. Live with me.”

Julian is all big-eyed. Surely Garak doesn’t mean...

"I like Starfleet! Medicine!"

“Will they let you medicine when no war?”

"No... Don't think so, they will have me out. No matter. Forest. Walk. Teach kardassi."

“Won’t be sad?”

“Will be. But they don’t want me.”

"I want you. That ok?"

“Yes. Glad. Want you.”

Sisko shivers as he watches them walk to the forest. He swears, if they come back broken...

He’s so afraid of the woods now. What he fears the most is Martok inviting him to the woods. He doesn't know what would happen. They are the only ones who have not been there and Martok seems to be developing some sort of admiration for him.

Meanwhile Julian is trying to memorize what the various flowers look like. He’s so focused he doesn’t see a hole and nearly trips over until Garak grabs his arm. Julian looks at it as if it was it's fault for being there.

"Sisko will be mad if I trip." Julian huffs a little. “Hard to see!”

"You don't pay attention."

"It was not here before!” Garak gives him a flat look. ”And I do pay attention too! See, bird on branch!”

"Not look birds! Look floor, Julian, dangers."

“Birds can be danger.” Julian is actually examining their feather patterns though.

"Holes danger too."

"Find place to sit, then."

“Fine. Don’t fall.” He points at him with a finger before going to search for a good place for them and Julian goes back to looking at the birds.

He finds a log and they sit. At this point, Garak feels proud of having avoided yet another accident. Next hole they find, he'll carry Julian on his shoulder. Julian laughs at the idea.

“Bridal carry then? Not too early, Elim?”

Garak doesn’t understand, so Julian makes the mimic. Garak shakes his head and looks at him impishly.

"Not exactly. Like hunt. Shoulder." 

He makes the mimic for his idea. He doesn't want to give him any more incentives to break himself. Julian sighs and leans into him. 

“Catch me?”

“Already caught.”

Julian realizes he can try and see the patterns in Romulan and beat Garak in learning it. He only needs to listen a bit more to someone who can actually speak it and he'll be fluent. He studies what Garak says and smiles brightly.

“I’m a Doctor.”

Julian is so proud he put together a perfect sentence.

"Still can't fall in hole, Julian. Not breaking again, you."

“I won’t fall in a hole. But see Garak, I’m talking better.”

"Yes, you getting good. How?"

“I can see the pattern if I think. I remember all the Romulan I heard, is similar to other languages.”

"No understand, Julian."

“The way words and... word chains are the same. I lack words but I can use them better. Can't stay normal too long, me."

Julian looks a bit sad. Garak swallows a little and leans over to kiss him. 

“Not bad thing.”

"But it was nice. Being normal."

Garak then speaks in kardassi, in a long and complex sentence. Julian stares at him blankly and tries to find a pattern at all and he can't. It is too alien for him.

"Thank you." He knows he's probably the only person in the galaxy happy to not understand.

Garak smiles brightly and leans in to kiss him on the cheek.

“See? Still normal.”

"Teach. What was that?"

"Guess."

Julian smiles flirtily and tries to really think about what he said. The only sound he recognized was his name. Garak was smiling, so probably it was a good thing. The structure eludes him, though. He’s heard Kardassi has a grammar that is different to most alpha and beta quadrant species, so he’s not sure he can reverse engineer what he heard. But he’s happy to give up. He plants a small kiss and keeps very close to Garak.

“Julian is a good doctor and very cute.”

"No. So very far, dear."

“We are in the... trees... Julian?”

"Still far."

“The... the... give me a hint, I give up!” He laughs and flops on his lap.

"Oh, uhm... don't have the romulan words, dear."

So, he can't even tell him what he was saying? Julian gives him a flat look. Really, he didn't think it ahead? 

“Try with words you know.”

"I recited The... sacrifice... end... not? The beginning."

“You said my name, Elim.”

“First part was ‘Julian, hear this’”. He shrugs.

Julian swears, if he hears about that book again, he'll burn all copies in the galaxy. He tries to repeat what he heard in Kardassi. When he finish he beams.

“Close?”

“Not really. Terrible.”

"Don't care."

"Yes, I know." 

Garak makes a very dramatic gesture. Julian grins and kisses him on the cheek. 

“Not a good book.”

"That not flirt, that insult."

“Then make it flirting.”

And Julian smirks smugly because he might like being normal, but knowing more than Garak is also a new experience. Garak points a finger at him.

"Shakespeare horrible too. Boring."

“Full of love. No love in Sacrifice.”

"Too... sugar. No like."

“Not sugar! It has emotions, Elim. Cardassia is  _ salty _ .”

"Cardassia is serious. State and duty."

“Earth is freedom and love. Happy.”

Garak thinks about the possible banishment Julian may face once the war ends. Section 31. The things he knows humans have done in the past, and are doing now with the desperation war brings. Still, he smiles and decides not to press on that issue.

"Earth too happy. No serious."

“Julius Caesar is serious. It’s a tragedy, Elim.”

Garak shakes his head a little. 

"Serious, but characters dumb humans."

And then they hear screams and phaser fire in the encampment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! we are really moved with your comments and kudos for this little fic! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens. Julian is more clumsy. Garak is more paranoid. Jadzia is a badass as always. Martok is getting better at cooking.

Julian and Garak look at each other with alarm and start running towards the camp. Julian is unarmed, but Garak takes a phaser out of who knows where. Julian gives him a flat look. Garak shrugs as he keeps moving.

“Better to be ready.”

“Could’ve grabbed one for me too.”

"Want one?" He takes another phaser out and hands it with a smile.

Julian wonders if he should be thankful for his paranoia, or suggest him to go to counseling. For now, he just takes it with a short sigh.

“At least we won’t come in with no protection.”

Garak and Julian get to the camp and see 10 aliens firing to their crewmates. Jadzia seems to have an injured arm. Sisko is shouting instructions, but they are disorganised and unable to understand each other. This looks really bad.

"Recognize the race, Garak?" whispers Julian. Garak shakes his head.

“Me either. I’m going for my medkit. Cover Jadzia.”

Julian starts darting between aliens. Garak bites his lip and shakes his head and follows him. He’d like to get out of this place as soon as possible, but he understands now there’s no point in trying to dissuade Julian.

Sisko opens his eyes and shouts to Julian to watch out. He barely evades a shot and falls to the ground, hitting his face. He gasps in surprise - he so rarely falls - but crawls on the ground towards the medkit nonetheless. They need it now more than ever.

One of the aliens approaches him and he braces himself for the impact, but Martok hits him with a frying pan.

"Thank you Martok!" Martok doesn't understand but beams at him. He seems to be... salvaging cooking appliances? Julian decides not to ask. After all, he is quite sure he broke his nose and the medkit is a priority.

He hears Sisko scream and Worf roar. Finally he gets to the medkit and manages to grab on to it with one hand. He turns and sees Garak behind him.

“I told you to guard Jadzia, she’s injured.”

"They pointed you. You only doctor."

He can't really argue with that logic. He really can’t argue anything at this point, to be honest. Julian holds his own phaser out and tries to roll to his feet. He feels oddly unstable, but he suspects it is because of the hit and the pain.

“We need to find a safe place!”

Sisko shouts something and makes signs for them to follow him. Julian nods and gestures to Martok to help Jadzia.

"Caves! Follow Sisko! Garak and I will cover you."

Jadzia and Martok do, and Jadzia uses her good arm to aim a phaser.

“I’m not down yet, Julian. One arm is enough.”

Julian and Garak run after them, Garak aiming his phaser carefully and feeling very tempted to take Julian’s. The human seems to be extremely dizzy and is a danger for everybody.

They get into the caves and run until they stop hearing fire. Garak catches his breath and looks at Julian.

"Tend wounds, I guard."

“Yes, yes. Be safe.” Julian goes for Jadzia first and then Martok. “Any other hurt?”

Julian does a very basic mend because without the translator he can't completely operate his instruments but at least she stops bleeding, and his nose stops hurting too. He stops when he gets to Sisko, who only has some scratches.

"Who are they?"

"I don't know. They came from nowhere". Julian gives him a flat look. He doesn’t know some of the words. "They were not here and then they were. We didn't detect them."

Julian lets out a long sigh as he slides against a rock.

“Well, they’re not friendly to outsiders.”

Garak glances at him from the entrance of the cave with a tight smile.

“And they know we’re here and have seen out runabout.”

Julian translates that to Sisko.

"No, tell Garak they _wanted_ the runabout. They fired to get us out."

“They want the runabout. We’re in the way.” Julian touches his nose gingerly. It still itches a bit. Probably he didn’t mend it perfectly. He hands the equipment to Garak so he can help him with the parts he can’t see.

"No translator and can't go out planet. Ask Sisko what we do now." Garak feels his anxiety spike. He’s been paranoid lately, but since this morning he’s been really fighting panic. That’s why he hid phasers in the first place. Something is amiss.

“Captain, what are we going to do?”

Julian is still optimistic. They have a medkit and five phasers, And a frying pan. They are far away from the runabout, have no communicators nor translator, and are hiding in a damp cave. But surely they will be able to figure something out. They’ve been in worst situations before.

 

“We need food. And plans.” Sisko crosses his arms, and hears his words being translated to several languages.

Martok answers something. Jadzia nods.

“He says we can fish. He found a small underground river when he explored earlier.” Jadzia smiles at him.

They all huddle together by the water.  Martok immediately catches several fish, and Worf too. Despite their dire situation, he's happy fishing and shouting in Russian.

“Julian, you like botany and Garak has a keen eye, go to the other side of the cave and gather something before it gets dark. Take phasers with you.”

“I’m going with Garak. That last part goes without saying.” Julian rolls his eyes and awkwardly gets to his feet.

Sisko prays they won't have an accident again. Julian seems a bit distracted.

“Jadzia...”

“Don’t tell me, Ben, I’ll go do a bit of recon. Hand me a phaser.”

 

Julian holds up a few berries to Garak. They seem edible enough, but they don’t have testing equipment.

"Purple?"

"Purple ok. Let me smell."

"Okay, here."

"The berries, Julian, not you."

Julian had been happily putting his head near his nose. He flushes and holds up the berry. Garak scrunches his nose.

"Smell like poison. Drop them."

Julian sighs and drops them to the floor. He shakes his head and goes to the next bush.

"Orange ones?"

Garak smells them.

"Seem fine."

"Good. Tree has fruit. I climb."

And Garak just barely catches him when a branch breaks and he falls. He's thinking about hiring a babysitter at this point of their journey. Or tying him up to something so he can’t keep moving.

Julian sighs a little and shakes his head a bit.

"Fell again."

"you augmented... moves" he gestures desperately trying to convey coordination. "Why? How?"

Julian has been wondering the same actually. He’s been feeling increasingly clumsy and he’s covered with bruises from his recent falls.

"I ... what if gone, Elim?"

"Maybe this planet?"

"Maybe but ... what if not? If I am normal?"

"Like you the same. You can be ok? I care for you."

"No, not okay without... those. Not know."

Julian throws his hands up and walks back and forth anxiously. His foot gets tangled in a root and he sighs, sitting on the floor once he’s free again. Garak puts a hand in his shoulder.

"You know things now. Only... not good at moving. But not forget."

Julian pauses at that. He gets up again and leans on a tree.

"Might go next. My intelligence. Hard to say."

"Still know how to doctor?"

Julian thinks a bit.

"Yes. All in head. For now."

"See? Not forget."

"Yet." Julian huffs a little and tries to keep marching through the woods, but Garak grips his arm.

"You no trust me to walk?"

"Shh. Sound."

Julian looks around and frowns a bit. He looks at Garak’s concerned features and lowers his voice.

"Bird?"

"People. Hide."

They get between the bushes just before some soldiers march near the place they were. They seem to be the same species that attacked them, and they are clearly looking for something, but without the translators they are unable to understand what they say.

Garak throws himself protectively over Julian and grabs his phaser. His scales are certainly more resistant than human flesh. Julian tries to do the same, but Garak is stronger than him so he ends up crushed on the dirt until they pass. He has nor the strength nor the coordination to avoid being protected by Garak.

"Think gone?" Julian feels he can’t trust his senses anymore.

"Yes. Need go back and alert."

"Right. Let's go."

Julian tries to gracefully roll to his feet. This time he manages, and they go to the camp as quietly as they can. He approaches Sisko.

"Captain. More troops. In the forest. Searching." He tries to speak as slow and clear as he can.

"For us?"

"We don't know, we can't understand them. We need to go further in the cave. They’ll find us."

"If we leave the runabout, we have to steal one of their ships."

Jadzia comes from behind them, dirty and with leaves in her hair.

"Ben, there's no other option. They already have the runabout. At least I found their camp and stole some weapons."

She's so proud of herself. Sisko raises an eyebrow and she holds up a weapon. Sisko looks at her and she tries to explain that she knows she should have brought Garak, but it was too late by the time she found it to go back. And anyway, she didn’t get hurt, so it’s all ok.

“We need to attack, Ben.”

"Right away or do any of you need to rest?"

Julian translates that to Garak and he insists they need to rest first. And it’s about to get dark.

"Ask Jadzia how much troops there."

"Only 10 men for now, split into 2 groups. Not looking for us, I don't think."

"And 10 in forest, and 8 in runabout. We only 5. Not like the numbers." Garak frowns. They really don’t have much of a chance. Julian translates that and leave Jadzia and Sisko to argue the plan. He grabs Garak’s arm and they sit down at a corner.

"And I getting... less." Julian sighs.

"Did you forget things?" Garak asks and tries to sound even. No point in adding to his panic.

"No, but my feet feel weird."

"Maybe I fixed it wrong?"

“Don’t think so but check.”

No, the foot is alright. Sisko really wonders what the hell are they doing looking at his feet now.

“Then augmentations gone.”

Julian is frustrated because doesn’t Garak understand that he’ll forget things soon? His improved coordination is tied to his intelligence.

“Maybe no need them.”

Julian gets up very frustrated and goes help Jadzia. Garak sneaks from behind.

"Square root of 382."

"145924." He doesn’t even look up from his work.

"Augmentation not gone."

“But clumsy.” Julian smiles and then frowns.

"I like that." Garak snuggles and looks over his shoulder to see what they are doing. Apparently Jadzia was injured while trying to salvage some equipment and they are trying to make it work again.

Jadzia smiles at them but Sisko and Worf roll their eyes again. Martok beams at them. He's still looking at all the things they brought from the woods and the fishes they caught. _Yes, definitively enough to make a good meal_. He raises his voice.

"Meal and then sleep! tomorrow we attack!"

Nobody understands so Jadzia does her best to translate it, then Julian translates for Garak. Garak nods and finds a place for him and Julian by the wall to sit.

"Honor!"

Julian opens his mouth but Garak stops him, rolling his eyes.

"No need to translate that, dear, I understand klingons."

Julian is still fretting a bit but that makes him smile.

“Why would the body ones go away?”

"Some... something aliens have near their camp?" _how do you say dampening field in Romulan?_

“Maybe. Maybe just didn’t last. I have end date. As milk.”

“Could be the planet too.”

"Hope. You like me dumb as I am now?"

“Not dumb. Just clumsy.”

"Clumsy. Did not know the word." Julian smiles at him and makes himself a ball, putting his chin on his knees.

Garak can spot his lie easily but doesn't comment anything.

“Want to tell me more square roots, dear?”

"No for now. Get us food?"

Garak goes to get what Martok prepared. Is surprisingly really good. He can’t believe Martok even managed to salvage plates and cutlery. Julian takes a few bites and then pushes the rest around his plate.

“Stop worrying.”

"No good for battle, Elim."

“Because clumsy?”

“Yes. What if I stay clumsy after we leave?”

"I still like you. Help you if need."

“But might have to leave Starfleet.”

“Square root of 386?”

"148996. Stop that! Not circus trick. But something is wrong, Elim."

"Eat and stop this, dear. Need food for strength."

Julian sighs and eats and eventually falls asleep.

Garak hugs him very tightly but it takes a lot longer for him to sleep. He honestly is worried too. He doesn’t know what’s happening or what they might lose by morning. And his anxiety is spiking again.

 

They wake up to the smell of... waffles? apparently Martok managed to hide floor and eggs when they escaped and is now making waffles and a sweet sauce with the fruits. How did he even manage to keep the eggs from breaking? He looks happier than ever.

Martok is thrilled and so excited he made them such a lovely meal, with help from Sisko, of course. He now understands. His fate is to become his apprentice. Maybe he’ll be able to go to Earth later and learn Creole cuisine from his father.

Sisko is far too happy cooking as well. He even sings a bit. Garak suspects they are all slowly being affected.

"Julian. I weird too? Any difference in me?" He can’t be certain if his increasing paranoia is because he’s being affected, or it is normal paranoia considering the situation they are in. With him, it could be either. He hates caves, after all.

Julian frowns a little and tries to figure it out.

“Need more evidence. A study.”

“Don’t have time.”

"Then what do we do, Garak? I'm useless."

“Be quick. Still genius.” Garak huffs a little and makes a face.

Julian raises an eyebrow and leans forward to take in more of his expression. His pupils certainly look dilated and his breath is more shallow than it should be. He puts his hand on his chin.

Sisko finally loses it.

"Stop flirting! We have a situation here!"

Julian falls back and almost hits the ground with his head. Garak catches him just in time.

“Not flirting, studying.”

"Studying _what_ , doctor? We need a plan!"

"Let's steal their ship. I said we should do so yesterday". Jadzia says conversationally, chewing her waffle.

She's oddly relaxed, considering the situation. Now that he thinks about it, Julian notices they all are a bit weird.

“Garak’s face, captain! Trying to figure out what’s wrong with him.”

“Thank you, dear. Now, care to tell me the plan?”

Julian translates to Garak what Jadzia said. Her plan is as sound as it is reckless.

"It could work, dear. We don't have other options."

“I guess, but she’s too okay.”

“Too okay?”

Julian sits up a bit.

“I’m clumsy, Sisko’s too many feelings, Jadzia is too okay, and Martok only wants to cook. And Worf is now so quiet.”

"And we are all armed." Garak knows how dangerous that can be.

"More reason to get out of here soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! since we are giving it a bit of a darker turn, we'd like to read what you think of it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian discovers why they are acting weird. That information doesn't really help them.

They finish eating their waffles and Jadzia clears her throat to get everybody’s attention.

“So! Everything set. Group, follow me. We are going to steal a ship.” She sounds far too enthusiastic and careless. The klingons cheer and Sisko feels moved to tears at her eloquence.

Garak is very nervous about all that situation, because she's armed to the teeth. They all are. At this point, he’s sure he could just shoot anybody in that cave if they as much as breath over his neck.

Martok and Worf are shirtless and want to wrestle with the aliens. They are communicating who knows how, considering neither knows the language of the other. They flex their muscles, smile and roar.

Jadzia is roaring with them too, but she still has her shirt on. For now at least. Julian walks towards her with a nervous smile. 

“Jadzia, what if you gave me or Garak a few of those weapons?”

She smiles brightly at the suggestion. She doesn’t understand all his words but the meaning is very clear when he starts signaling the phasers.

"Oh, sure, suit yourself Julian. I got a lot of them yesterday!"

“I see. I think I’ll take this knife and this gun, and maybe this gun too and - oops.”

He slips and drop all of them. Garak gets to his side immediately, and catches him before he can fall over something sharp. Sisko meanwhile is staring off into the distance, with faint tear streaks on his cheeks. Garak looks at the group with increasing preoccupation.

"Julian, dear,  you stay back and cure people. You are risk."

Julian hates to admit it, but he's sadly aware. He looks at the group and realizes that yes, he’ll probably have to cure people pretty soon.

“Of course. I can hang back, and just keep one weapon to protect you all too.”

Worf and Martok are wrestling around on the ground. They are covering themselves with rock and dirt. Yes, Garak thinks, that’s definitely rock. And those yellow streaks seem to be eggs they broke in an attempt to take them with them. He can’t believe Martok salvaged so many eggs. Soon they’ll have two Klingons smelling of rotting food, charming.  

Garak is quite anxious. He’s not sure who'll be the one to have an accident first. Sisko seems the closest to okay so far, but he’s also spaced out. But at least he's dressed. At this point that is something remarkable.

“All right everyone, let’s go.”

Everybody cheers and Jadzia leads the group. They move in silence once they leave the cave, Garak helping Julian to stay on his feet. Julian is a bit annoyed by that, but he doesn’t fully trust he won’t trip either.

Garak is almost dragging him, stealthy and putting his body in front of him for protection. He wants to run and hide at this point. Julian keeps trying to move forwards, because he doesn’t want Garak shot, but he seems to be getting more distracted every move they make towards the camp. Finally Garak gets tired of his constant tugging.

“What are you doing, dear?”

"I can fight too!"

"Yes, but you make many noise. I do this. You at the back."

“I can fight. I’m not weak.” Julian huffs but lets Garak step in front of him again.

"Julian. Stop making sound. I better at that."

“Not weak. Protect you.”

"With medicine, yes. Not now. Hush."

Julian glowers at him but complies. He doesn’t want to get them caught. He does try to walk more on his own though.

Jadzia keeps leading the group and looks far too confident. Garak doesn't trust her plan anymore. They all know what they are supposed to do, but he suspects she’ll be the first to break formation and charge head on.

Garak keeps glancing around nervously and has a strong urge to throw Julian over his shoulder and run. He wonders if he should do that and make excuses later. Surely he'll find one Julian will end up believing.

Julian trips over a log and sighs, letting Garak guide him. Even if it annoys him, he knows Garak is right. Also he keeps being distracted by birds or leaves or just saying things without thinking about it.

Which is strange, actually. He’s usually able to keep his head when they’re in danger, at the very least. And then, he suddenly realizes something.

"Elim. We are all drunk!"

"What?"  _ Are his mental abilities finally slipping? _

"How we are now! We like... drunk! You are... nervous",  _ how do you say paranoid in romulan? _ "When you drink, you nervous. You shout and don’t trust people. That why Odo took out Quark's Kanar. So you stop fighting people in the bar."

_ Oh, so that’s why Quark said he had his Kanar shipment confiscated. The constable and I will have a nice chat once I am back on the Station. _

“Well, that not fair. I like Kanar.” Elim sniffs a bit. “And you clumsy?”

He’s not so sure he believes Sisko looks drunk, but he has seen him when he’s giving a Sisko Speech and he can be pretty dramatic. Maybe the alcohol heightens the drama in him.

"Clumsy and... distracted. When drunk, me. Jadzia takes risks and shouts. She's klingon-drunk."

“Of course. Martok and Worf too. Fighting drunk.”

So he’s marching into battle with another 5 drunks. Great. Just how he’d always wanted to go out of this world. Drunk, paranoid, and surrounded by drunken fools. Julian’s voice takes him out of his paranoid self-pity.

"This is bad, Elim."

"Jadzia fights good when drunk, yes?"

“Yes but I not. And you too nervous. Sisko shakespeare.”

"Sisko what? you no make sense."

He doesn't want to address his paranoia. It is already bad feeling it, to also have to talk about it. He knows he’d murder any of them with his teeth right now, so he’d rather not voice that.

“He’s like a shakespeare person. Drama.” He makes gestures to convey grandiloquence.

Garak smiles weakly at Julian.

"Then he bores them with speech. They sleep. We win."

"Elim, this serious."

He sighs. What does Julian want of him? If he tries to be serious, he has to talk about how he’d even stab a tree if it as much as steps in front of him. And yes, he knows they can’t walk, but he’d still stab them.

“I know. Not much we can do.”

Julian huffs and sits. They are close to the camp so he'll stand his ground there. No need to have him closer, especially not when he’s armed as well and a danger to all.

"Don't let them be dead, Elim. Please?"

Garak kisses him quickly and joins the rest. Julian follows him with his eyes and waves his hands. 

Garak suddenly runs back to him.

“What? Elim, what?”

“Protect you.”

“There’s a plan, Garak.”

“Yes. One minute.”

Jadzia charges in silence, not following her own plan, as Garak anticipated, until she hits a branch with her head and is sent tumbling back to Sisko's arms, with an undignified squeak. He catches her just in time, but the damage is done. She made a lot of noise.

Martok and Worf immediately hold their weapons out and look ready to attack. Garak has his arm around Julian’s waist, ready to run. He’ll carry him across his shoulder if he has to. Julian pushes him, annoyed.

"Garak, go. Stop this."

"Danger."

"Yes, for them. I sit here. Go to the damn camp. Follow the damn plan!"

“Okay. But who protect you?”

"I have phaser."

Julian never thought Garak could be a clingy drunk, but well, here they are. He is still hugging him, and although Julian never imagined he’d be tired of that, he’s beginning to get annoyed of being hugged like that. Especially since he can’t breath with Elim’s arms around his neck.

“ _ Garak _ .”

“Okay. No be doctor. Be soldier.”

“I’ll try my best, love.”

Garak disappears between the vegetation and approaches the camp. He has to set it on fire as a signal for the others. They will charge once the enemies are confused and in disarray. Not as if the others have not been spotted now, thanks to Jadzia, but still, he'll do it. He’s sure setting something on fire will ease his nerves, if nothing else.

Garak walks right in front of all the soldiers and none of them sees him. He may be drunk, but he still is stealthy. He immediately gets to work stunning several aliens at the same time he scans their campsite. They go down fairly easily - there were only three and they seem to not know much about phaser technology. How fortunate for them. How so  _ incredibly _ fortunate.

And more importantly, there’s a ship here. He sets a tent on fire while he hums to himself.

Jadzia and the Klingons charge angrily, only to find Garak standing there, calmly, with the doctor at his side.

"Did all the job, me. You not needed.” He smiles and places a kiss on Julian’s forehead, who rolls his eyes. “Translate that for the klingon, dear."

Julian huffs but complies, smiling. He looks up at him with quite a bit of adoring pride. He feels like he’s the damsel in distress in one of his holonovels, but this time, the mysterious and seductive spy is not him.

“Garak sneak and attack. He stun everybody.”

"And the runabout?" Sisko looks at the ship.

"Nobody there. I checked. Let's go away." Julian dutifully translates back and forth.

“Okay. Everyone keep phasers up.”

This time Garak does pick Julian up. Just to be safe. Wouldn’t want him tripping on metal. Julian glares but allows him. At least he’s not carrying him on his shoulder.

The ship controls are quite simple, and while it doesn't seem to be equipped with a translator, they immediately find how to pilot it.

Everything is being far too easy for Garak's taste. Too few guards. Too easy to stun. Too easy to pilot ship.

Garak says so and Julian translates. Jadzia snorts. 

"Your boyfriend is a paranoid."

Julian kisses him on the cheek. 

“He is, but good reason. Things strange.”

Jadzia shakes her head.

“Forget it. We going home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, umh... does the image of the food painted, shirtless Klingon count as body horror? Also, we tried again rolling the dice for action scenes. Garak got a d20. We wanted him to be fortunate but we were not expecting a crit, to be honest.
> 
> We love reading your comments, we really do!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive at DS9, but problems follow them.

As they get far from the planet, they feel the effects dissipate. They transmit in all the languages they speak to DS9, hoping at least somebody will understand, if they can't be translated. Their best bet is Kira in comms, getting Garak's rendition of Bajoran.

Julian feels, not for the first time, that since his parents wanted a perfect son, they could have added improved alcohol tolerance. The social skills, he's resigned himself to never being able to develop them a long time ago. But the alcohol tolerance would have been nice. He snuggles to Garak, who seems to be able to breathe a bit better now.

They all feel a bit awkward. Martok wants to be a chef anyway. Even if now he's thinking more clearly, he's glad he came to such a monumental revelation.

Worf can't believe he charged shirtless against the enemies. He looks at Jadzia, only to discover she's smiling at him with even more admiration than before. A shirtless, Russian-speaking, smeared with food Klingon? She couldn't ask for more from life.

Sisko seems to be more emotionally stable, but he can't be sure he won't start crying again. The stars look so beautiful.

 

They dock and feel happier than ever when they start being able to communicate again. Miles greets them, with his hands itching to open the alien vessel and check its tech.

Julian looks at Garak and flushes a bit because he can’t believe how clumsy and ridiculous he acted. He was like an airhead.

"Dear, I can't complain at all about how you acted. Except for that part where you ran away from our quarters, that is."

Miles really would like to be anywhere but there. Just watching them so close is disturbing enough, but do they also have to do... _This_... On the alien vessel? Don't they have any other bloody place to be?

"Well, I think I compensated you after my panic, dear Garak." He leans and caresses his thigh.

Miles sighs. Really. Here. Now. With witnesses.

“That you did. I have to say, I didn’t realize how enhanced your flexibility was before that. It was very... enlightening.“

Miles really wish they would go to somewhere else to talk. He has an alien ship to dissect and really, the conversation is getting more awkward with every minute that passes.

"You could have asked me before, and I would have shown you about all that flexibility."

Now his other hand is on Garak's arm. Don't they have a sense of decorum, or is it that they like the audience? He's not like that with Keiko, they could take some notes from them.

“When you were busy chasing every young woman who came onto the station?”

"I could have been very easily dissuaded from doing so."

And now their faces are also so close!

“You should have given me more of a hint.”

"You should have too. Arguing hardly seems like a good way to tell somebody you’re interested."

“It seemed to have worked out in the long run.”

Miles throws his hands up and starts walking away, cursing under his breath.

"Miles, is there something wrong? you need more information about the planet’s aliens?" Julian looks so innocent Miles wants to punch him.

“What I need is to get away from too much flirting. One more minute and you'll bloody start making out in front of me, Julian!”

"Oh, sorry, I didn't think... you ehm... but you always see us flirt! I don't know why it bothers you now."

"Because now I have several mental images I'd rather not have."

“Oh umm. I haven’t told you anything yet though.”

"Oh, really? And what were you two talking about then?"

"It didn't have details, Miles. You can't hardly make a full mental image of what happened on the planet."

“No, but I can imagine a lot of things the moment you say you’re too flexible!”

“You have such a vivid imagination, Chief O’Brien.”

"Garak, I didn't ask for your bloody input."

Julian stands in the middle of them. Garak seems to be enjoying too much the Chief's embarrassment and it's his place as best friend to stop all this and make things right.

“Miles! Elim! We should - let’s have dinner. With you and Keiko. That will help break the ice.”

"Fine. But don't you bloody start this again there."

Miles knows they will bloody start. He just knows.

 

They enter the O'briens quarters and Garak gasps. Such beautiful plants. Keiko needs to tell him where did she found them. He'd give his whole cargo of betazoid silk for such a beautiful meat eating romulan flower.

Keiko starts talking to him excitedly about them. How was it possible not to find out such a kindred spirit before? It's not every day somebody can appreciate how hard it is to keep alive an Andorian fire bush.

Julian brought Springwine and starts pouring everyone glasses.

"See Miles? we can be civilized people."

Keiko turns, looks at Julian with her mouth open and whispers something to Garak, who is nodding and making a gesture that clearly doesn't refer to the size of a plant.

"I don't want to know what he's telling her about you."

Garak makes another gesture. Yes, Miles doesn't want to know what that gesture is trying to convey. Keiko makes a very smaller one in return and Garak shakes his head.

"I'm sure it's just about how respectful I can be and how, really, my fashion choices aren't bad."

"I know it's not."

Keiko whispers something back and Garak throws his head back and laughs. Another round of gestures is exchanged and Julian's face turns bright red.

"You are the one who said he didn't want to know details. I really can't explain to you what that means if you don't want to know."

"The fact that Garak is in such a good mood is terrifying on itself, Julian. I don't _need_ to know."

"He's just happy that you're finally accepting him in your home. Family is very important on Cardassia. It wouldn't have sat well with him if my surrogate family rejected him."

"Julian. He's clearly showing her how big something is, with those gestures. Don't try to deny it."

"Probably he's talking about those orange berries we found. The size matches."

"Orange berries that are that... _long_? Come on, Julian."

"They were delightful, Miles. I wish I could have gotten some for you and Keiko to try too. There was also this beautiful fruit on a tree, but we weren't able to grab any of it."

"So nice your trip was fun." He rolls his eyes.

Julian dares to look at Garak and gets even redder. Yes, clearly he's not talking berries.

"why don't we... ah, come to the table to have dinner?"

"Yes, yes, that seems like a wonderful idea."

Julian pulls a chair out for Garak and tries to look suave and charming. He leans to his ear and whispers urgently.

"Don't give Keiko all the details!"

"Why? she asked so nicely. And we were talking about plants."

"No, you were not. I do have some sense of decorum. And she'll tell Miles."

"Well, you should feel proud anyway so I don't see why you are getting like that. Salad, dear?"

"Elim, why are you speaking in kardassi?"

"Dear, you know I can't speak Standard. Why did you switch?"

Julian stares at him for a moment. Again? He sighs. For once he wanted a quiet and nice night.

"Keiko, Miles can you understand me?"

"Of course."

"Well enough." Keiko answers first in Japanese and then in English.

"Oh bloody hell." Miles rolls his eyes.

Even in a post economics society, he's not being paid enough for this.

"What exactly is going on here?” Keiko throws out and Julian just shakes his head a bit. He can’t believe this. At least he and Miles and Keiko can all understand each other. That’s three people, at least.

"So you brought this with you?" Miles is aghast. Why is he not surprised?

"Seems like it. You checked the ship, didn't you?"

"Oh yes, I checked it thoroughly despite having you two all but making out in it. Come on, let's go to Ops."

"Of course. Maybe things are better there."

They are not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love reading your comments!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos on the station.

When Miles suggested they should go to Ops, he was thinking about taking a turbolift and getting there in 5 minutes.

Instead, they end up climbing through the inner corridors because there's no point in trying to use the elevators if the Universal Translator is down. And they _reek_. There's something about the structure of cardassian stations that makes the smell just concentrate in certain points.. Julian swears he'll never complain about Jeffrey's tubes again.

They all arrive at Ops and find Sisko and Jadzia already there, trying to get the computers to work. Jadzia is cursing under her breath.

Garak brushes his shirt down and wrinkles his nose.

"Commander Kira, we at least can understand each other."

"At last! somebody that can speak Bajoran! can you believe not a single federation person wasted their time to study it?" she then gives him a nice sample of all the swear words that beautiful language has.

Miles runs to Jadzia’s side and tries to see why she’s having so much trouble.

"Computers are infected, chief. They locked us out." Jadzia looks very crossed.

“Here, let me see. Yes, this... wow, this is some very high level virus. Where did this come from?”

Garak rolls his eyes.

"Major Kira, I'm dating Julian. I know they don't bother to learn new languages."

"Oh, yes, they... WHAT?"

Julian glares at them both. He’s quite certain they are talking about him. Really, for someone as secretive as he is, Garak seems about to hang posters around the station telling everyone about their trip.

"It's rude to talk when I can't know what you’re saying."

Kira is switching her gaze between them rapidly.

"You two? Since when?"

"Garak, did you tell her too?" He's worse than Jadzia.

"This is not the time for rumors! Red alert!" Sisko is beginning to lose patience.

Garak gives Sisko a tired look.

"No one can understand you except Julian and Miles."

"Stop picking at him. Help Miles."

Julian translates and Garak gives him an offended look.

"Why me?"

"Only cardassian. Go and stop telling people."

"Of course, we should be able to fix it. Hopefully."

Then Julian looks at his face and sees the first signs of anxiety. Not again. How long until they all start feeling drunk?

"Feel nervous, Elim?"

"Station broken is weird. I not like it, Julian."

"No me either, but I mean - Like before."

Garak thinks a bit.

"Hard to say. Maybe. But me, nervous all the time, so... normal for me." He shrugs and goes to where Miles is.

Julian starts toward the infirmary and tries to pay attention to his feet. For now he is steady. He ran scans after they arrived and their brains were quickly returning to normal, with only faint traces of a neurotoxin, so at least he may be able to synthesize something before the whole station spirals out of control.

Julian is, at this point, just glad he was able to get to his post without hurting himself, and checks in for new patients. He can't communicate with his nurses, and wonders what will happen once drunk patients start arriving. He does his best to try and treat everyone and communicate through hand gestures.

He’s sure everyone must be quite nervous. Since the incident was not made public, people are scared all around DS9. They don’t know what’s happening.

Odo tries his best to make people remain calm, but he can only communicate with his bajoran personnel. He can’t believe this is all such a mess. He complains to Kira quite diligently, and soon discovers she’s an angry drunk, so he decides not to call her again.

Meanwhile Quark is still trying to serve people in spite of only being able to understand Rom and Nog. He can charge them more than ever since they can't argue, so he’s having a blast. Best business day ever.

Back in sickbay, Julian is preparing people for treatments and trying to explain diagnoses in romulan and federation and English. He's distributing relaxing hypos, because he fears what a scared crowd may do. He’s mostly just trying to keep everyone calm and happy. If he has to medicate half promenade, he'll do it.

After some minutes, he notices some patients come twice to ask for the hypos, and suddenly he realizes that maybe he didn't think it through...

 

Garak and O'brien are arguing to no end, and O'brien feels weird. Like he can't remember that well how to operate cardassian tech. He stops and shakes his head a bit and glances down at the tech and back at Garak.

“Think drunkenness started. Help me with the cardassian parts, Garak.”

Garak can’t understand him, but the chief’s expression makes him anxious.

Garak can't understand what Miles says so he just keeps defying him involuntarily. Julian comes to check on them and gets annoyed. He had enough trouble walking from the infirmary to Ops to have to mediate between two grown drunken men.

“Work together. You can both fight later. I need to work, and I can’t do it if people keep telling me you two are bickering and I have to come help.”

And what's worse, he has to say it in two languages, so he's beyond crossed. Also his arm hurts from hitting a console. He keeps rubbing it and Garak gets worried.

“Bump into something?” He gently lifts his sleeve and looks at the bruise.

"Nothing serious."

"Let me see."

"For bloody sake, can you two stop this for a minute?" Miles is one step away from being jealous.

Julian rolls his eyes at both of them.

“Here is my arm. Just bruised. When do you think everything will be back to normal?”

"I no idea. Chief can't talk to me."

Julian takes air and exhales, trying to build his patience. It’s not easy.

“Chief, when do you think you’ll have these things fixed? I’d like to be coordinated again.”

"No idea. Garak keeps pulling at wires and talking like a snake, Julian."

“Okay, here let me handle it. I can figure it out. I might not be a star athlete anymore, but I am still a genius.”

Miles is offended.

"Go make medicine, Julian! I certainly have no intention of handling hyposprays so go do your thing."

“Fine, But don’t blame me when it takes you twice as long.”

He bumps his head on the way out and they hear a low curse in all the languages Julian can speak.

"You sure you didn't do anything to him, bloody lizard? Maybe you are poisonous or something."

"I know you are insulting me chief, I just don't know how."

“You stole his coordination with your lizard sex.”

Garak looks around and all people in ops are distracted. Kira is shouting to somebody. Angry drunk, definitely. Jadzia has her feet over a console and is doing her nails. Sisko is crying while looking at a broken panel. Jake is writing up a storm. Why he’s there, nobody has idea, but Garak supposes it will make quite the newspaper headline. He's not sure he's glad or concerned not to know where the Klingon are.

Meanwhile Julian suddenly trips and nearly drops a hypospray. Nurse Jabara starts laughing.

Martok is just cooking in the Klingon restaurant. Both he and the chef are singing so beautifully Worf can't stop crying. He cries into his prune juice. Then drinks it and orders more.

 

It is a disaster everywhere. Julian decides to sit until somebody needs him. Garak enters the infirmary with his pupils so dilated his eyes are black.

"Julian. Help my anxiety please. Panic."

He's trembling and his breathing is ragged. Julian stumbles to his feet and nearly flops over, but he manages to hand him the hypospray.

“Worse than before?”

"Very worse. Can't breath."

"Help me get to that cabinet. My head spins worse than before too."

They manage to get there together in a slow awkward movement. Nurse Jabara meanwhile is in the floor, laughing uncontrollably at them.

“At least someone here is a happy drunk.” Garak is repressing his urge to kick her. Her laughter is making him feel even worse.

Julian manages to give him his best relaxer.

“Hands might give soon. You apply to yourself.”

Garak sighs as closes his eyes as the hypo starts making effect.

"Felt dying. Heart so fast. No air."

Julian kisses him on the forehead.

“Panic attack.”

"I know, worst in ages!” He is still trembling.

Julian presses their heads together and breathes evenly.

“Follow me.”

Garak forces himself to relax, but Jabara's laughter makes it really hard.

"Please away from her, dear?"

He knows Julian wouldn't appreciate him killing his best nurse.

“Yes, yes. Other side.” Julian stumbles around as he points toward his office.

"Tried anti... drunk hypo, dear?"

"Yes, didn't work. This is not alcohol so no use."

He gave a dose to Jabara and himself even before the first symptoms appeared but there's no use.

“So it being made by aliens. Infected.”

“I think so. Trying to study brain patterns but dropped equipment.”

"Before you did it?"

“Yes, when we arrived. We all had our patterns altered. Now seems worse."

Garak can't understand all the words but gets what Julian is saying.

“More drunk?”

“In a way. It’s not quite the same as being drunk but close.”

"Ideas?"

"Get the chief and go to the ship we stole."

“Why?”

“Suspect we carried planet aliens with us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love your comments!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally everything is revealed.

Garak nods. He’s been thinking something of the planet crossed space with them too, so they get Miles and Kira, and ask them to get with them to the hangar. Their best bet is to inspect the stolen vessel.

They meet outside it to discuss their options. They try to comm ops but the message doesn’t seem to get to them. Julian stumbles forward and grabs Kira by the shoulder. 

“We think we accidentally brought the aliens with us.”

Kira looks at him without understanding. Julian sighs, translates that to Romulan, Garak translates that to Bajoran. Clearly this will take some time. She nods.

“Someone is attacking our minds. They want to keep us separated and weaken us.” Again, he says it in romulan and waits for the information to make the rounds.

"Can I suggest a thing?" Garak is thinking and talking in Romulan, still with his arm around Julian's waist, to Kira and Miles dismay. "We got like... drunk on planet, and then we escaped so much easy. The aliens on the planet were not a good enemy."

Julian translates for Miles, who nods.

“You think they’re the ones doing this to us?”

“Sounds true, yes? O’Brien, can you do... your thing,” he has not the slightest idea of how to say engineering, “on that ship? I can help you." He flashes his most charming smile.

After a few minutes everyone nods. Julian feels proud of how he got everybody on the same page. He notices Garak’s breath is becoming shallow again. The effects of the hypo must be wearing out.

“All right. We need to go to the ship. I’ll lead the way.”

And he is saved by Garak grabbing his arm just before he falls head on to the floor.

“How about I walk you to the ship, dear?”

Kira rolls her eyes and marches forward with her hands clenched into fists. She's so ready to fight anything. She looks around, finds a stick and grabs it fiercely.

Julian gulps at that and grips Garak a bit tighter. 

“Miles, you’re on Kira duty. She likes you the best.”

"I don't want her hitting me with a stick either!"

“Well, I can’t walk and I’m keeping Garak from carrying me off and running, so do your part!”

"Fine, whatever. I still think this is all your boyfriend's fault."

“Of course you do. Well, I think it’s all Keiko’s fault.”

"Don't you bring her into this! She has nothing to do with this! And she's got her hands full with all the kids from school being terrified now, while that, that... That lizard was just pulling at wires!"

“He was trying to help! It’s not his fault we’re all drunk and the translators keep breaking.”

"Maybe it was a plot to seduce you, Julian."

"Are you a paranoid drunk normally, Miles?"

If the symptoms are changing, they are in trouble. Miles stops and frowns a bit. 

“No. So that’s great. What about you? Are you usually so floppy?”

"Not so much. I don't feel that dizzy normally."

Garak leans close to Kira and whispers. He needs to make the group regain some sort of sanity or they will be defeated before they enter.

"Let me handle this. Don't hit anybody until we get to the ship."

She looks so disappointed. She wanted to beat things up. She tells him that, hoping she’ll make her point clear.

“That isn’t a good sign either. You are not that violent, major.”

“Like you care how I am.”

She crosses her arms but her gaze is sharp and ready for a battle, if that’s what the aliens want. Garak opens the hatch slowly and while watching for any sign of danger or life.

Julian whispers on his ear.

"Go without being noticed to the panel on the left and emit this frequency." He gives him a number.

"Why?"

"Go and input it. I found something weird in our brain scans and want to test a theory."

Of them Garak is the only one that can still move in a stealthy manner. Julian feels sorry for having to send him in his panic state, but there’s no other option.

“I’m going to trust you and hope brains don’t end worse than... than yesterday.”

"Well, if they do, I don't think we could be any worse, Elim." 

He kisses his cheek and hears two horrified gasps. Julian rolls his eyes and tries to punch Miles in the shoulder and ends up falling on him. 

Garak sneaks around the back of the ship, careful not to make a sound. He does his best to keep his breathing steady so nobody can notice him. He manages to get to the controls and starts punching in the numbers and hoping he’s not breathing too heavily.

“Hope you know what you are doing.” Miles looks at Julian, worried.

“I hope so too, Miles.”

All across the hangar they hear a screech and the air seems to move, as 5 figures become visible, covering their ears and moving spasmodically. They are unlike any species they have found earlier.

Julian takes one second to congratulate himself in being a genius and figuring all out while drunk and having trouble to communicate with the others. He knows the other two certainly won't admire him, and somebody ought to. Kira closes the doors aggressively, making sure they can't escape. 

Julian takes a few wobbly steps forward, not daring get too close nor move to fast. 

“Who are you?”

Miles tries to hold him steady and back. He’s not about to let Julian get killed over his curiosity. Kira takes a few steps forward and holds up her phaser pointedly. Miles throws Julian at her and moves inside the hangar.

They shake their heads. They don't understand. After all, the translator is still down. Julian looks at Miles, who nods and makes Kira help him stand. He’s already working fast to make it work at least in that room. One bip tells them the translator is back online.

Julian points at himself and then at them. 

“I am no enemy.”

“Yes enemy!”

Miles is back, trying to hold Kira back and Julian in place, all without throwing up all over the console. He deserves a medal.

"Stop noise!"

"Promise us not to disappear then."

The aliens nod hurriedly while making pained sounds.

“Turn it off, Garak.”

"They are dangerous. We need to be sure." His paranoia is flaring again.

"Can you stop the neurotoxin? It would help a lot to have a good, sober talk." He looks at the one that looks like the leader and she nods. 

“Thank you. Now please, Elim, turn it off. We’re not trying to hurt them, just to get answers.”

They all sigh as they start feeling a bit more like themselves. Julian tests his feet a bit. He is still wobbly but he can move better now.

“Now that we’re feeling a bit better, why are you attacking us? We don’t mean you any harm. Our ship crashed on your planet, but it was an accident, not an invasion.”

“Are you trying to reason with them? They made us all drunk for a whole day, Julian.” Garak grabs his arm protectively.

The leader puts her body in front of the others, trying to block them from Kira, who is slowly dropping her weapon.

"We don't have a planet. We just want the resources and food, then we will go away and you'll never know again about us. The ones on the planet crashed too, they were not our people. They were as confused as you were."

Now that they look, they are not the same species they found on the planet. They are small, slightly yellow, very delicate. And they look too thin.

Julian frowns immediately and takes a few careful steps toward them. They recoil in fear.

“You can have all the food and supplies you want, all you needed to do was ask. Would it be all right for me to check for the effects on malnutrition? It would help me figure out the best way and supplies to help you.”

Kira makes a face because while she also wants to help, Julian should be a little more cautious than *that*.

The aliens move back scared, and Julian makes a calming sound. 

"We won't hurt you."

"We have no reason to believe that."

“No, you don’t. But I’m a Doctor. I took an oath to do no harm, and I mean to keep it.” Julian kneels down so he’s not looming over them.

They look for exits and then resign themselves. The leader gets closer, still trying to protect the rest.

"Just let us get what we need and we'll go away. I promise, you will never know of us again."

“Of course. We’ll give you whatever you want.” The aliens tremble when he starts scanning. "Which species are you? I never saw anybody like you."

“We call ourselves the M’Kali.”

"And where did you come from?"

"Our home planet was lost. We wander the space. We alter people's minds and confuse them, get resources and leave without them knowing. We have no trade or food resources anymore."

“But we caused you trouble by figuring out something was wrong?”

"You shouldn't have. Nobody ever discovers us. When we figured you'd go to a bigger station we hid and waited. We would have gone with this shuttle after some hours."

“Well, I have to admit that’s clever. But here, we really are happy to give you what we we need.”

"Why would you do that?"

“That is what the Federation does, when the prime directive doesn’t get in the way.”

"We are not from your Federation."

“No, but you don’t need to be to deserve the same resources we have. Everyone deserves them.”

"We have nothing to give in return." They are still looking at all sides for a way out.

“We don’t want anything. We have more than enough. We just want to help.” 

Jadzia and Sisko arrive, and the aliens panic only intensify at that. Jadzia suddenly smiles and gets to Julian’s side. 

"M’kali! Tobin met your species!"

Julian feels a strong sense of relief. So the message they tried to send went through after all.

“This is Jadzia. She’ll want to help as well.”

She kneels at their side, grinning.

"Oh, this is so great. I thought you'd gone extinct after the civil war! I tried to help evacuate your planet but heard so many were lost after the bombing. I was friends with Matriarch Rosh'nai!"

The small alien gets closer to Jadzia and makes a small sign with her hand, which Jadzia replicates, still smiling.

“You knew the hero Rosh’nai?”

"I helped her clan escape. I assume this is yours?"

“Yes, yes it is. These are my children. I remember that name. Tobin was a great friend to our people during the civil war.”

The woman relaxes a bit. 

"So you are truly willing to help us?"

“Yes, we are, though I have to say, that was a creative way of trying to take us out.” Jadzia is sitting on the floor, relaxed.

“A little too creative, it you ask me.” Kira is still a bit angry.

"It has been the way of our people since the times of the war. That way we are not detected and nobody can capture us again."

“That make quite a bit of sense, though clearly you never counted on a genius doctor or a cardassian.” Garak honestly feels quite pleased with them. He’s sure they both were the heroes of the day.

"Oh, we... We steal mainly from cardassians. They never know what hit them. We followed you because we saw a Cardassian and thought... it would be easy."

Garak is honestly appalled. 

“Well, the Obsidian Order must be sorely missed then.”

“The Obsidian Order had the best food. We feasted on rokassa juice for a week once. I think... maybe we stole from you that time. But you were younger.”

Garak’s face is one of utter horror. He remembers one time their full cargo of Rokassa juice mysteriously disappeared.

 

They finally accept going to the infirmary and let Julian run some tests. The results are amazing. They can produce an airborne neurotoxin that affects brains as if it was alcohol, and also, sight gets altered, so their natural chameleonic abilities are intensified and they can be almost invisible to most species. They have a very high intellect, which is not surprising considering how easily they disrupted their translators once they figured it would help them rob the station.

Julian runs the scans and tries to ask questions carefully. With tact. Their digestive system seems to be quite delicate and he is not sure if he may offend them by asking about it.

“You eat... solid food?”

"We eat whatever we can get."

“Right, of course. But what do you prefer?”

"What?" 

They can't understand they are being offered something. Most of the time they live out of field rations and scraps.

“Do you like solid food or liquids more? Sweet? Salty? I can ask for whatever you want, and pack it with nutrients.”

"We like sweets. And liquids."

“Good! Good, I’ll send lots of those. That lines up with your nutritional needs, actually. Your bio structure is quite fascinating, and -“

“Julian.”

He turns to see who said his name.

Garak smiles at him brightly and squeezes his shoulder a bit. 

“I imagine they know that already.”

Julian blushes. So much for trying to be tactful.

"Oh, yes, that... Maybe that was a bit rude. So, you are free to stay on the station and work here, or ask captain Sisko for whatever you need."

The aliens nod and the leader makes a small gesture to him, thanking him.

“Can we... can we go with Dax now? She promised to tell us about Tobin.”

“Of course. You are free to go wherever you want on the station.”

He takes Garak's hand and lets him take him out of the infirmary. He can't remember when he ate for the last time. Julian curls towards him and lets out a low sigh. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. I don’t think I’ve eaten since we got back.”

"No, you probably didn't. Your last meal must have been doctor Keiko's one."

“And we barely started that before everything went sideways again.”

"What do you say, then, my quarters or yours?"

“Yours, I think. I want to be comfortable and you have more blankets.”

He cuddles a bit more while walking. People on the station looks at them, some with curiosity, some with hostility, but he’s too tired and starved to care.

"Blankets are something that I never feel I have enough."

“I’ll give you some more then.” Julian squeezes his arm and kisses him on the cheek.

"That sounds rather generous of you, dear."

“I’m a very generous man. And I think I could find you another heat source.”

"Do you plan on moving all your contacts to do so?"

“Hmm, maybe. That depends on you, I suppose.”

"Oh, are you now blackmailing me? I liked you more when you couldn't talk, I think."

They arrive and he unlocks the door.

“Well, then you’ll have to find ways of keeping me quiet without outside help.”

"Oh, I think I have lots of ideas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now only remains to post the epilogue!
> 
> We love your comments!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything returns to mostly normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! thank you so much to all of you for reading!

The M’kali decide to stay on DS9 for a while, trying to contact the rest of their kind and rebuild their society. For the first time in several generations, they are in the out, feeding on real food and thinking about something more than just survival. Jadzia tells them all the stories about the old Matriarch she met. The aliens are so delighted as they gather together, sitting on the floor while she tells them about how their homeworld used to be.

Sisko promised to get them a new land. While things are hard with the war and all the entreaties to the Federation, he wants to help them rebuild, and is already searching for a place where they can rebuild their culture.

Miles is still a bit wary, but Jadzia is thrilled and so is Martok. He owes them. He would have never found his true calling without the M’kali. For now, he works on his free time under the promenade chef as assistant, learning the trade. He'll open a restaurant in Bajor when the war is over. He even rented a small space on the promenade to try some old Earth beverage recipes.

Julian makes a new vaccine out of the neurotoxin they emit and wins a big prize. And the data he collected from their altered brains will have him investigating for years to come.

Jadzia now insists Worf must train shirtless with her. Worf is not exactly pleased, but she has always been famous for being very persuasive.

Garak gets new blankets every week. Julian spends all his credits in making sure he’ll have a new, more exotic than the previous one, delivered to his doorstep. Garak can't believe his luck. Had he been not on they shuttle, he'd have never ended with the doctor. And with so many blankets. Love is great, but blankets are forever.

The senior staff is now in Quark's, celebrating how it all ended up well. Julian has his arm around Garak's shoulders, and Odo is making sure Kira doesn't drink too much. He was scarred for life. He may love her, but like hell he’ll allow her to start drunk fighting again.

Miles keeps taking sips of ale but keeps an eye on Julian and Garak. He still doesn’t trust that overgrown iguana.

"So, I was thinking about making a whole investigation about their unique physiology and present it to the science institute of the Federation. Can you imagine all the advances this all can bring?" Julian smiles at all of them.

“In getting people drunk?” Miles asks at the same time Keiko gently elbows him in the chest.

"Miles! We all agreed that they won't use their powers on people again! Don't be rude." Keiko can't believe him.

“I’m just saying.”

“We want to figure out how to help them and others with biological cloaking, nothing else. At least not so far. But you have to admit, their neurotoxin is pretty unique as well.”

Miles scoffs and keeps drinking. He feels annoyed at Garak's presence, who is now grabbing Julian's waist. Like that, out in the open. Julian rolls his eyes at Miles and shakes his head a bit. 

“What?”

“What what, Julian? You are acting like a bloody teenager, that’s what!”

“Oh please, like you haven’t grabbed Keiko by the waist just as many times, Chief.”

"Not in public, Julian!"

Julian is not that mad because they would have never gotten together without him being a bold drunk. He’s quite happy with how it all worked out. And what a fun story to tell Mila when he finally meets her. Garak gets pale at the suggestion.

"Don't you dare tell her we got together because some aliens made us drunk!"

“But it’s an adorable story!”

"It's an embarrassing one, Julian."

“It’s embarrassing that you kissed me?”

"It's embarrassing that we were both drunk and you got hurt in such a dumb way."

“I - it’s charming. It shows we both have flaws.”

"I don't want Mila to make fun of my flaws, my dear."

“Even if it’s out of love?”

"Love and drunkenness are not always a good combination. And she'll only focus on the drunk part."

“Hmm, then how about you swept me off my feet with poetry?”

"Poetry you neither understood nor appreciate."

"Can you go to some other bloody place to start with this again?" Really, Miles had a long enough shift to also have to witness... whatever this is.

He really fears he'll see or hear things he'd rather not. And then of course Keiko will want to know. And Garak will be happy to provide the answers. Julian smiles far too deviously at him. That man really needs to be kept away from alcohol, or its neurotoxic equivalent.

“Of course, Miles. Once the celebration ends, we’ll be in my quarters if you need me. Or, well. Don’t need me if possible.”

"Julian, I don't think I'll like what I may see if I go to your quarters. I'd rather wait for you to come back on your own."

“Miles, you’re such a 22nd century man.”

"I just have a sense of decorum, and far too much things to repair."

“Of course. Well then, could you work on soundproofing my quarters?”

Miles chokes on his beer and gets very pale at that. Really, he should move to Ferenginar so he can ask for a raise. Being born in a post capitalism society has its disadvantages.

“I suppose I could, but for the sake of your poor neighbors, not for you, Julian.”

He hears Keiko stifle a laugh. They are all conspiring against him.

"You really will be helping me. I'm sure Odo would not be pleased to have complaints pilling up. He already called me to his office twice." Julian is still smiling.

"You are doing this on purpose."

“Doing what?”

"You bloody well know what, Julian."

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop torturing you, Miles.”

Miles huffs. Jadzia sits at his side. Just what he needs. 

"So, not so happy to see the consequences of the drunk planet, Miles?" She leans on his shoulders and Keiko suppresses another laugh. He’s surrounded by idiots.

“That my best friend is hooking up with an amoral lizard spy? Not especially.”

"Knowing Julian, could be worse.'

“Really? I highly doubt it.”

"At least he was nice enough to ask you to soundproof his quarters. It'd be worse to have to read Odo's reports. Oh, in fact. I read them. Way to go, guys!"

She gives them a high five. Miles sighs. He’d rather be on Cardassian space.

“I guess so, but still. Why couldn’t he go with someone nice and safe?”

"Would you do that to someone nice and safe?"

“Do what?” Miles scrunches his face up in confusion.

"Pair them with Julian." 

Julian snorts at that an Miles rolls his eyes again. He swears, if he does that movement one more time, they will fall out of his bloody skull.

“Of course! Julian is nice and safe too.”

Now it’s Jadzia’s turn to roll her eyes. 

"Good night, chief. Don't forget about the sound dampeners. It was very uncomfortable being on the runabout with them on the other room."

“I won’t. Trust me, I’m close enough to his quarters as it is.”

"Just be glad the translator still works. Kardassi is kind of scary."

“I can only imagine.”

"Oh, but on the bright side, they are so cute." Jadzia is clearly on their side.

Miles huffs and Julian grins widely and leans into closer to Garak. 

“Thank you, Jadzia.”

"Somebody ought to defend your heat stealing lizard."

“Yes, they should. And Miles, you’ll just have to get used to it and be happy for me. We can go on double dates now that Keiko and Garak are friends.”

"I'd rather throw myself out of an airlock."

Martok arrives with a tray full of food. Quark attempts to complain but one look at the Klingon dissuades him. He has a new rival on Deep Space 9. And he’s bringing food to his bar, no less. The nerve of it.

Nobody respects him. He should have done as his cousin and choose another type of business. He really wish he had a moon. He had to be a kind hearted person. If he was just a little meaner, he could have been a contender. This is clearly his fault for being a good, nice man. No respectable ferengi should have to deal with this.

At least he can charge them the drinks. Martok seems to be brewing something on the space he rented in the promenade but still he can't get it right. 

Last thing he heard after sending Rom to spy was that the...  _ veer, bir _ , was it? was still not rising to Martok’s standards and he was reviewing his recipe. Quark forbid all his bartenders from giving tips and tried to get all the other restaurants to agree too.

Julian smiled happily at Quark when he heard that. 

“Like a restaurant union!”

He's quite sure they had been giving him advice illegally nonetheless, maybe as a protest for his low wages. He sort of made a recipe contraband ring arise. So not only he's now accused of making a union, there's a contraband net he's not part of.

Quark misses the aliens messing with their heads so much. What a day that was. 

And then, what he feared. Rom’s information was inaccurate. Martok had actually managed to brew something good.

"Friends, I brought you the very first Martok Ale in existence! Taste it!"

Quark almost cries. Worf tries to help in his own weird way. 

“I will still drink your prune juice.”

Quark hugs him. Worf looks at him. Quark recoils in silence. Worf walks away stiffly and wonders how he got here. Being hugged by Quark is a new low for his honor. Great. Now his only paying customer has gone away and is muttering something about disgracing his family.

Martok's ale proves to be rather good, but strong. Garak decides to only try a sip because somebody needs to be responsible enough to carry Julian back, who's now singing Klingon battle songs with Jadzia.

Julian practically melts into his arms and makes an almost chirping like sound. 

“This is just like how we got together. Martok cooking for us and me flopping all over you while you look at everyone suspiciously.” His speech is beyond slurred. Garak makes a sign for Quark.

"Quark, why don't you bring the good doctor here a glass of water?"

He's hoping to sober him enough to walk, although that seems to be a fruitless hope at this point.

“Of course. It will be six latinum bars.”

"Quark. You don't want to charge that much to a drunk cardassian, do you?"

“No, but the drunk doctor here owes me for years of telling me what a bad patient I am. I’m just exerting Rule of Acquisition numbe...”

"Quark. You will give us that water out of the goodness of your heart, won't you?"

Quark takes in Garak’s expression and gulps. 

“Of course, from one businessman to another.”

"So nice we are all in agreement, then."

Now Kira and Jadzia are singing Klingon battle songs too. Julian has long since fallen over Garak so Kira replaced him. They are thinking about going to the holosuites and kill some enemies. At last, something Quark can charge them for. He’s thrilled and asks them how long they want it for. He’s hoping they’ll fall asleep and he will charge them until the morning.

"We have this credit ticket you gave us last week when it malfunctioned!" Jadzia is all smiles. Quark looks at it. Yes, it's his handwriting, the free pass is valid.

He is on the verge of tears. He glances over his shoulder at Odo. Maybe he’ll take pity on him tonight.

Odo smiles. 

Quark knows that smile. So very well.

"You know, I haven't inspected your storage room in days."

“You’re a terrible friend. All of you are.”

"I thought we were customers, not friends." Odo smile gets wider.

“Customers actually order something, Odo.”

"Free commerce, my friend. Martok's products are better and cheaper."

Quark sighs and just walks off. Maybe he will switch businesses and leave the bar to Rom.

Sisko arrives and Quark hopes he'll be his savior. The captain always had a soft spot for him. The small ferengi smiles and walks over to him. 

“Captain, care for a drink?”

"Oh, thank you but no, I'm here for Martok's sampling."

Quark sighs and walks away defeated and ready to pack. Then he remembers he has Morn. Morn has not abandoned him. He ask for another drink and vomits a bit of latinum to pay. At this point Quark is not even repulsed by that anymore. 

Quark hugs Morn and doesn’t even yell at him for talking all night again.

"Quark, where's that glass of water?" Garak is getting impatient. The doctor is now looking at the lights with fascination and seems to be a bit dizzy.

“Here, here. I had some  _ paying _ customers to help first.”

"With this service, I'm not surprised everybody is thinking about switching to Martok's. If he installs some holosuites it will be a success. Hope nobody tells him that." Quark doesn't like Garak's smile.

Julian flops a bit more over him and giggles.

“Careful with your suggestions, Garak. Someone could teach him how to sew too.” Garak hands Julian the glass of water testily. Julian tries to grab it first and his hands close in the air.

"Oh, but I'm sure nobody would dare, would them? Doctor, allow me to help you! I don't want to carry a soaked human."

“I’m fine, Elim. I’m only a little drunk, and besides, I’m not even - Quark! When did you get those orange lights?”

"Dear, why don't we go to the infirmary to get you a sobering hypo and then to sleep?"

“That sounds like a good idea. I’m not too drunk, but you always want to avoid a hangover and I could grab some padds and ...”

Julian loses his balance and Garak grabs him, sighing. Really, he can't handle his alcohol at all.

Julian leans into him and tries to sip the water as they walk.

Garak hands the glass discreetly to Jadzia when they walk pass her and Julian doesn't even notice. He’s too busy cuddling against Garak and rambling about the science behind the orange color in Quark’s lights.

Kira wants Odo to join them on the suite. He could be her sword.

“This is like when Chief O’Brien asked me to be the lake in his kayaking holoprogram.” He harrumps and crosses his arms.

"it was a good idea, Odo! Think about the feeling of my boat running over you."

Kira leans over him and he has to resist the urge to goo himself and disappear.

"And you like me more than the chief. You could do this for me, Odo." So, she’s not only an angry drunk. She can be a needy one too. Another thing Odo didn’t want to know.

“It was not a good idea! I had a boat going through me.”

"Are you ticklish? Did the boat tick you?"

Somehow she finds that idea hilarious and starts laughing. She starts tickling him and Odo sighs and decides to wait until she’s done. He gooes away certain parts from time to time. Jadzia joins her, trying to get him to laugh as well. Obviously Martok's brew is strong.

He eventually turns into a teacup so they leave him alone.

Keiko decides to join them on the suite, so Miles sighs and decides to go to his quarters to get some sleep.

Martok considers this a success. He's ready to open his restaurant in the promenade. Martok talks to Sisko about it. He needs to know how to do that and protect the empire. It’s a serious matter for him. He needs to make sure he can do both things with honor, so they need to device a serious plan for him to accomplish his goals.

Miles falls asleep immediately, murmuring until last moment about cardassians and goo persons who don’t want to be a good sport.

Julian meanwhile has sobered up and is walking in a more normal manner with Garak.

“Well, Martok had quite the successful opening night. I’ll miss him when he moves to Bajor.”

"Yes, I don't think we'll be able to go together there. I doubt I'll be well received."

“Maybe not. But we can go to a Fine Terran restaurant together instead.”

"Is that what humans call a date, dear doctor?"

“I believe it is, my dear tailor.”

"Then I graciously accept."

Julian grins and leans up and presses a kiss to his lips and then smirks. 

“Want to turn the translator off when we get to your quarters and work on Kardassi?”

"Oh, I was thinking about other activities, but I think we could fit a language lesson in our schedule too."

“You always have been good at multitasking.”

"And you definitely are a good student too."

“Well, I happen to have an excellent teacher.”

"Yes, of that I am well aware. Shall we enter, then?”

And Worf, passing by, shakes his head, muttering something about how really, really they should marry already and stop bringing dishonor to their families.

 

(the end?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are really surprised at how many people read this little piece derived from our daily ramblings! really, thank you so much to all of you!


End file.
